Death by Umbrella! The 100 Weirdest Horror Movie Weapons by Christopher Lombardo & Jeff Kirschner

Author:Christopher Lombardo & Jeff Kirschner [Lombardo, Christopher]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: BearManor Media
Published: 2016-04-09T22:00:00+00:00

5. Dumbbell in Starry Eyes

Although it has absolutely zilch to do with athletic competition, 2014’s Starry Eyes deserves inclusion in this chapter for featuring an absolutely horrific death by dumbbell that will leave even the most seasoned gorehounds stunned.

The film shares the plot framework of many a late 80s hair metal video: a young ingénue struggles to make it in cutthroat, unforgiving Hollywood. However, the film goes well beyond your garden variety Poison vid. It’s an ominously dark and disturbing psychological exploration of vanity, jealousy, ambition and the desire for fame and acceptance, served along with a healthy dollop of Cronenberg-style body horror.

Alexandra Essoe delivers a performance that’s equally emotionally vulnerable and audaciously powerful as wannabe starlet Sarah, who toils as a waitress at a Hooters-like restaurant, Big Tators, to support herself while she auditions in hopes of landing that one choice role that will vault her into super-stardom. Her determined ambition to “make it” is belied by her precarious self-belief. She pulls out clumps of her own hair in the bathroom to alleviate the pain of rejection. No special effects here; Essoe went all out for the scene, actually pulling out her own hair.

Sarah is the eternal unaccepted misfit despite hanging out with a group of equally directionless acquaintances who also to seek to somehow sip on the nectar of stardom. Some support her ambition and seem to genuinely care for her well-being; some are indifferent; and others are nakedly hostile.

She auditions for a role in a low-budget horror flick entitled The Silver Scream that is being produced by Astraeus Pictures, an old-time Hollywood studio that, unbeknownst to Sarah, is the front for a possibly Satanic cult. Desperate to get cast as the lead, Sarah compromises her own sense of morality and is subsequently led down a rabbit hole of darkness and depravity which transforms her into a literal and metaphorical monster.

In the final act, Sarah cuts a brutal swath of destruction through her inner circle, which begins with her slashing her rival Erin’s cheek open with a kitchen knife, and ends with her stabbing Danny, an aspiring director who seems to have genuine feelings for her, right in the stomach.

Along the way, she picks up a 10-pound dumbbell and hovers over a sleeping friend. She waits for the girl to slightly stir, then bashes her with the weight dead center in the forehead. Talk about a nasty way to wake up! The next blow caves the skull in. Sarah then continues to bash away at the girl’s head until it’s nothing more than an unrecognizable sticky red stain all over the pillow. She then hesitates a second more before giving it one last bash for good measure. Absolutely, unflinchingly brutal.

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