Come October by Patricia Kay

Author:Patricia Kay
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Harlequin
Published: 2005-12-15T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 12

Every October 28th, which was Claire’s birthday, Tuck found a reason to go to Houston. Amanda knew why he was going, and she knew Tuck realized this. Still he went. She realized he was compelled to go, that if he’d been able to stop, he would have. Still, the fact of his going now, after they were married, hurt in ways she wouldn’t have imagined.

She’d thought she was reconciled to his feelings for Claire. She’d thought she was mature enough to handle them. She’d thought having him as her husband would be enough.

She’d thought wrong.

Tears blurred her eyes as she stared out their living-room window. On dark days like this one, she began to think her situation was hopeless. Questions plagued her. Would Tuck ever stop thinking of Claire? Would he ever stop wishing she had lived? That he was married to her and not Amanda?

On the street below, normal Saturday morning traffic clogged the sidewalks. Because Amanda had a fear of heights, they were only two stories up, which was easily navigated by the stairs if she so chose. Being this close to the street had its drawbacks in terms of noise, but the trade-off was worth it to her. Besides, she enjoyed people watching. This morning, because it was chilly out, Amanda’s neighbors were going about their errands briskly.

As she watched, a young mother walked by pushing a large double baby stroller. Two little ones, who couldn’t have been more than a year old, were bundled up and happily waving their arms at passersby.

Amanda’s hungry eyes followed their progress. The mother wore a jaunty red tam on her head, a bright yellow scarf around her neck. She seemed to be shouting out to the world, Look at me! Look at my beautiful babies!

Amanda envied the unknown woman. She envied every mother and every mother-to-be. It seemed as if all the women of childbearing age in New York City were pregnant. Just this past week she’d gotten two invitations to baby showers—one from a former co-worker, the other from a woman she’d become friendly with through her aerobics class.

I thought I’d be pregnant by now.

This menstrual cycle she’d been four days late. She’d been so hopeful. Then last Tuesday morning she’d awakened with cramps and her heart sank. Her dreams weren’t going to come true this month.

Amanda realized a baby wouldn’t solve every problem that might crop up in their marriage, but it would certainly give Tuck something she knew he wanted badly. Something she’d promised him when she’d asked him to marry her. Something that would assuage the emptiness in her arms and the ache in her heart whenever she saw young women with shining eyes and proud, swollen bellies or mothers nursing in the park or young women pushing strollers the way she had today.

Please, God. Please give us a baby.

Now the tears rolled unabated. Was God punishing her for grabbing something that she was never meant to have? Rationally, Amanda knew this was a crazy thought.

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