Call of the Wild by Kimberly Ann Johnson

Author:Kimberly Ann Johnson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Harper Wave
Published: 2021-02-06T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 6

Activate Your Inner Predator

Now that we’ve worked on thawing what’s frozen, the next step toward healing is to direct our attention to the process of restoring the predator side of the nervous system.

My hope is that by now it doesn’t feel as scary to embrace your predator side because you know that this isn’t about becoming hyperassertive or becoming an “alpha female.” It’s not about becoming domineering or disrespectful, although it might feel that way at first if you’ve never exercised this part of your system. All of those posturings—from domineering to disrespectful—are overcompensations. Restoring the predator side of our system is about coming into contact with our natural impulses of self-protection and self-defense, trusting that those will kick in if and when we need them. It’s about getting out of freeze in order to create something new, so that your default response to threat doesn’t have to be prey.

Ultimately our goal is to establish a wider net of support beneath us that’s just ours. Many times we question our inner radar and wonder if a situation is actually unsafe or if we just feel unsafe. But when we do this work, we can develop a reliable radar. We can develop confidence. We can learn to defend ourselves, care for ourselves, leave an unsafe situation. In other words, our need to protect and hold on to ourselves becomes greater than our concerns about making too much noise, being nice, disappointing someone, or being a “bad patient,” “bad daughter,” “needy girlfriend,” or whatever role you may feel compelled to fill. This ferocity is an embodiment of self-love and unquestioned self-worth.

Imagine this scene: A couple is in bed. They start kissing, and it’s getting hot. The man starts to climb on top of his wife and just as he moves his second leg, she starts to clam up. They both feel it—her past trauma rising to “ruin” the moment. But this time, as she feels the freeze coming on, she names it. “I don’t want to go here again, I’m starting to freeze, I’m starting to get emotional. I have to get up.” So they get out of bed, and they face each other. She’s been taking my classes, so she decides to try something different. She starts to bounce around, working out the freeze, and eventually makes some “ooooh” and “vuuuu” and “grrrrr” sounds. The man thinks, “Why not?” and joins in. Now they’re both jumping up and down, making noises, and then laughing with each other. They move around for fifteen or twenty minutes staying connected. They feel a little absurd, and a little embarrassed, but soon they both feel victorious. They didn’t return to bed to have sex that night. But they didn’t fall into the familiar trap either. Something different happened, creating more safety, connection, and truth to what was honest in that moment—a need to move out of the flight and freeze prey response and into action, and they did it together.

When the woman opted to

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