Call Me Star Girl by Louise Beech

Author:Louise Beech [Louise Beech]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781912374649
Publisher: Orenda Books Ltd
Published: 2019-08-02T16:00:00+00:00

28

STELLA

NOW

As we head towards the news at 2am, I’m tempted for a brief moment to leave the studio; the radio station; the whole town. I imagine lining up enough songs to take listeners into Gilly Morgan’s prerecorded show at three; imagine saying my final goodbyes and turning out the lights and going.

No. I must speak to the listeners. But my throat is parched. The song dies; Lionel Ritchie’s hello becomes goodbye. I remember Tom saying earlier on the phone how final my goodbye sounded. Despite his strange behaviour recently, his new habit of falling asleep early, he was clingy when we hung up. Afraid I wouldn’t come home. The weird thing is that, although I feel like my world will collapse if he deserts me, I could quite happily be the one to go.

I slide up the fader.

‘We’re heading for the news on the hour,’ I say. The reheated news, I want to say. Same old shit; all the stuff you’ve already heard. ‘And after that, I bet you lovers who are still awake want some peace. Some time together without me interrupting. So I’m going to give you that. We’ll have seven love songs, one after another, chosen by you. Thanks for all the requests. See you on the other side.’

One more song will get us to the news. I barely look at what I select. And I’ve all but forgotten to keep to the secrets theme. Now there are too many in my real life. I’m going to find out who my real father is. Did I select such a theme for my final show because I knew this was going to happen?

Was it a gut feeling I missed?

Do I really want to know? What if knowing who my father is leads to regret? Is it better to fantasise about a mystical figure, as I often did when small? Am I heading for the greatest disappointment of my life?

Something crashes outside. I leap to my slither of window. It’s cloudy again so I can’t see a thing. Do I want to? But it could be Maeve. What if she’s out there and in some sort of trouble? I turn, approach the shadowy corridor. Feel for the light switch. Flick it. Nothing. Shit. Now what?

I feel my way along the passage and into the foyer, praying the light in there will come on when I flick the switch. It does. I exhale hard.

The door buzzer sounds and I scream.

I daren’t approach the little screen that shows who’s on the other side.

My mum? Surely. She’s on her way, after all.

Or what if The Man Who Knows is here early?

What if he heard me announce that several songs were coming up and thinks it’s so he has a chance to speak at length with me. On cue, electric blue flashes at the end of the corridor. I’m torn between getting the phone and answering the door. The buzzer sounds again, urgent.

I run back, pick up the phone, and say, ‘Stella McKeever, one moment please,’ and then head for the door.

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