Breaking Brooklyn by Scott Leopold

Author:Scott Leopold
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: phycological and mystical

Cindy

Chapter Fourteen

“There are those whose primary ability is to spin wheels of manipulation. It is their second skin, and without these spinning wheels, they simply do not know how to function. They are like toys on wheels of manipulation and control. If you remove one of the wheels, they'll never be able to feel secure, be whole.” ~ C. Joybell C

Cindy Napier’s Diary

August 21, 1991

It’s been a year since I was with Adam. I’m now in Fairbanks, thirty days sober. This has been the hardest thing I have ever done. There is no escaping my past. I’m no longer able to numb myself with drugs and alcohol. The memories of all the horrible things I have done are now free to haunt me.

After Jack walked in on me having sex with Adam I totally fell apart. I was dead inside. I didn’t care about anything. I was popping pills and drinking every day. Eventually, I was arrested for child neglect. I was so high I had no idea where my son was.

This was the moment when I finally recognized that I need help. I was under court order to commit myself to Fairbanks, a rehabilitation center, on the east side of Indianapolis.

It’s a co-residential rehabilitation program that only segregates men and women by rooms. Common areas and group therapy are shared space. On my first day in the center, the doctors put me on Antabuse and methadone so I could start my detoxification.

Sobriety is a scary thing. It’s forcing me to see myself for who I am, which is the very thing I am running from. I have to look at, and accept, the destruction I left behind. Worse, I have to remember all of the people I have hurt: Sam, his parents, my mother, and most of all, my son.

I am reliving my mistakes, lies, tricks, and deceits, over and over again as I sit alone in my room at night. I’m unable to sleep. I hate myself even more than I thought was possible. My craving for alcohol and drugs gets worse and worse every day I’m sober.

I am looking at life from the bottom up, with no money, and no place to live. My mother has cut me off and I cannot count on my father. So, I fell back on what I know best, finding someone else to prop me up.

I met my meal ticket during a group counseling session. Sy was older man with very little hair and a good-sized beer gut. Fraternizing with the opposite sex is prohibited, but I see Sy quite a bit in the common areas. I learned all that I could about him. He has a good paying job as a master welder at Amtrak, and he is single.

A costly mistake on the job while intoxicated had landed him with the choice of going to rehab or being fired.

Sy is a good ‘ol’ boy from the Appalachian Mountains in Tennessee. His family migrated to a Southern part of Indianapolis when he was a young boy.

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