Blotto, Twinks and the Stars of the Silver Screen by Simon Brett

Author:Simon Brett [Brett, Simon]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781472118301
Publisher: Little, Brown Book Group
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

13

Lenny ‘The Skull’ Orvieto

It wasn’t difficult to work out how Lenny Orvieto had got his nickname. His head was hairless and there seemed to be only a paper-thin layer of skin covering his cranium. His nose was short and his dark eyes lurked in hollow sockets like evil monsters in caves.

Orvieto was dressed in a light brown suit with a pale yellow pinstripe. On the front of his grey silk shirt a blue-patterned tie was affixed by a diamond pin. The effect was dapper to the point of being dandyish and, though he couldn’t see the man’s feet, Blotto knew they would be wearing spats.

Through the pain in his head, he managed to take in the room in which he found himself. It was windowless, painted pale green and smartly furnished. Having been brought up in Tawcester Towers, Blotto didn’t know that being an interior designer was a profession, but someone more au fait with the ways of the world would have recognised one had been at work in this room. There was a lot of gilt, on the chairs, on the desk behind which ‘The Skull’ sat, and on the ornate frame of the large mirror behind him. This reflected the perfect dome of his hairless head, as well as his two Mediterranean abductors, who were seated behind Blotto.

On the gilt desk lay a snub-nosed automatic pistol.

The boss’s voice had no trace of an Italian accent. He spoke very softly and soothingly, which somehow made him more menacing. If a viper could speak it would have sounded very much like Lenny ‘The Skull’ Orvieto.

‘So . . .’ he said to the still-dazed Blotto, ‘I hear you want to get in touch with the Mafia?’

‘Good ticket,’ said Blotto blearily.

‘I do not like it.’

‘Do not like what?’

‘The use of the term “Mafia” in relation to myself.’

‘Oh?’

‘I prefer the expression “Cosa Nostra”.’

‘Tickey-Tockey.’ Blotto nodded sagely, then asked, ‘What does that mean?’

‘In Italian? It means “our thing”.’

‘And what actually is your “thing”?’

‘The Cosa Nostra’, Lenny replied smoothly, ‘is a charitable organisation set up to look to the welfare of immigrants from Italy when they arrive in the United States.’

Blotto could have sworn he heard stifled snorts of laughter from the two Mediterranean heavies behind him.

‘And you look after these Italian boddoes by coffinating people who threaten them?’ he asked in a combative manner.

At this suggestion, the thin skin on the bald man’s forehead wrinkled as if in pain. ‘Please . . . where do you get these ideas from? The Cosa Nostra is a peaceful institution, financed solely by charitable donations. We are not associated with any criminal activity.’

Blotto searched Orvieto’s expression for signs of irony, but could see none. So,’ he asked, ‘the Cosa Nostra is different hand of bananas from the Mafia?’

‘Very much so. That is why I was hurt when you used the expression “Mafia”.’

Blotto was abjectly apologetic. ‘Sorry, I really do seem to have got the wrong end of the sink plunger here.’

‘I think you have.’

‘So the Cosa Nostra

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