Beyond Taken (The Beyond Series Book 5) by Ashley Logan

Author:Ashley Logan [Logan, Ashley]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: KDL Publishing
Published: 2018-09-12T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

I lay in his arms, but neither of us slept. The tiredness that I'd felt before we came together had long since evaporated and I didn't know if Nikolai was tired, but he was definitely not asleep. I could feel the tension rolling off him.

"You worry about loving me Niko."

His protective arms pulled me closer. "Yes."

Nodding to myself, I sighed softly.

"I worry about loving you too."

"You do?"

"Yes," I admitted quietly. "I worry that a prisoner should not love the man who keeps her. I worry that you will think I pretend to love you just to buy my freedom. I worry about things outside the door and that I have not enough time with you, or any time at all. I worry about you trying not to love me. And I worry that you'll change your mind."

He kissed the back of my hair and re-settled before he spoke.

"I worry about the same things and more. I worry that my loving you will be problematic for other things I'm trying to achieve. I'm worried that I want to spend all my time as your Niko, because being loved feels so good I don't want it to end. I'm being selfish and reckless and I can't afford to be."

"Loving me is selfish?" I asked, feeling my eyebrows draw down. "It does not seem selfish to give part of yourself away to make someone else happy."

"It's selfish because I'm putting my own needs in front of more important things."

"And my needs?"

There was a long pause before he answered with a drawn-out exhale. "Yes."

"What are these important things on the Moskva-Liis?"

He shook his head and it felt as if he was nuzzling into my hair.

"Sorry. It's selfish again to put any of this on you. All you need to know is that outside that door I must be Pachenko. The less I'm him, the more risk there is to us both. I should never have told you my name. I've been fighting my feelings for you since I found you in my room. I should have fought harder, but..."

"Love?" I suggested. "She is a strong feeling that I have been fighting too. It does not matter what name you have - even without your name, I saw you Niko. Inside you are not Pachenko and that part needs love to survive. Is the same for me. I am nothing to anybody outside this cabin, but in here you see me truly and give me love. I need that as much as you do to feel... still myself. People say love is blind, but I am thinking love is maybe sight."

Nikolai pulled me closer still.

"You're a very insightful woman."

"Insightful?"

"You know truths."

"Oh. Maybe," I agreed with a shrug that was restricted by his arms. "I cannot read minds like you, but I know that you are feeling more relaxed now that you have been talking with me and I am pleased. I will help you be Pachenko outside, and remember you are Niko inside. I am understanding the situation.

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