Atomic lobster - Serge Storms 10 by Tim Dorsey

Author:Tim Dorsey [Dorsey, Tim]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Unknown
Publisher: New York : William Morrow, c2008.
Published: 2011-12-30T19:23:09+00:00

Chapter Twenty-Six

DAVIS ISLANDS

Martha Davenport hummed merrily as she dusted the living room mantel around her favorite statue. Jim stood in the background. How was he going to pull this off? Maybe wait till she was out of the house and say he broke it. No, he'd get in trouble. Maybe say scuba divers stole it. No, she'd file a police report. Maybe-

"Jim, what are you doing over there staring at me?"

"Nothing."

"You're up to something."

"No, I'm not." He ran out the door.

The weekend street was alive. Skateboards, pruning shears, cars getting Turtle-Waxed, the air heavy with that great Saturday morning Florida smell of freshly cut St. Augustine grass.

Jim grabbed a garden hose and began watering so he wouldn't look like he was up to something. Across the street, a riding lawn-mower made circles around a date palm. The driver wore a gold silk warm-up suit and matching gold chains. He waved at Jim. Jim returned the greeting timidly, at stomach level. It was the only riding mower Jim had ever seen with a sun umbrella, cocktail holder and TV set. His neighbor's bottom spilled over the sides of the seat, and the mower appeared to labor under the weight like a sway-backed donkey.

The mower stopped. Uh-oh. He was coming over. Jim froze. No-man's-land. Too far to sprint to the house without looking obvious.

"Yo!"

"Hi."

"Jim, right? My name's Vinny. Or Vinny No-Neck. But not Masturbating Vinny. That's another guy, even if they say he looks exactly like me."

They shook hands.

"Nice lawn you got there. I'm in the witness-protection program."

Jim went over to turn off the hose. Vinny followed and pointed at a dry patch. "You missed a spot."

"I wasn't really watering."

"So Moving Dudes stole some stuff." Vinny leaned closer and covered his mouth in case lip-readers were watching with binoculars. "I can take care of that thing."

"No!... I mean, no, I'm sure we just misplaced it."

"Next time, let them know you're with me." Vinny deliberately fiddled with his pinkie ring. "Nothing will disappear. In fact, extra stuff will show up."

"Listen..." Jim turned toward his house. "I have to-"

"What are you doing right now?"

"My wife and I-"

"Got an idea!" Vinny pointed up the street. "I was just about to go up to-'s place. Watch the big game. Why don't you join us?"

"Can't. We have to... Wait, did you say-?"

Vinny nodded. "Played for the Bucs. At least at the end, after he was washed up with the Steelers. Tampa grabbed him off waivers, but he only lasted half a season. Liked the climate so much he kept the second home here."

Jim became a child. "This is incredible. I heard a player lived on the street, but I didn't know it was-. Growing up in Indiana, we didn't have the Colts yet, so Pittsburgh was my team! And he was my favorite player!"

Vinny slapped him on the shoulder. "Let's go have a couple of pops."

"You mean I can actually meet him?"

"Meet him, shmeet him. If he has a few too many, you might even wrestle on the floor.

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