At the Gates of Madness by Meeks Shaun

Author:Meeks, Shaun [Meeks, Shaun]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Published: 2012-04-22T04:30:00+00:00

I Am Fear

Have you ever had that metallic burning taste in your mouth, the one caused by your stomach acids boiling up your throat because of how much you are filled with fear? You feel as though some unknown stranger or shadowy figure is just two steps behind you, waiting for you to become their victim and bleed life into them. You spend so many hours of your day looking over your shoulder expecting something there, only to see vast darkness and your own stupidity waiting for you.

I know that feeling, fear, all too well. Nothing in my life has stayed constant, has been by my side all along like fear has. No matter how good or bad things get, rich or poor, in sickness and in health, it is always with me.

I’ve spent the last thirty years of my life, which just happens to be my entire life, with its cold fingers dug deep into me, letting me know that something is out to get me, that death is just a whispered breath away. It’s hung over me like a shadow causing me to fail at everything I try, making me wonder what the use of doing anything really is.

So I decided to change things, to take my life back and stop being afraid of everything. I thought that if I was going to be surrounded by fear, that I should embrace it and even become it, to be its messenger instead of its victim. It seemed simple enough for me to do, to become what I was afraid of. I had to take all the teasing words the bullies in school said to me, the hurtful words my mother barked at me, the echoing ring of my dad’s belt as it hit me, take all these things and use them to make a new me.

I know you want to know how it happened, what I did and I have no problem telling you. That’s why I am here after all, to let you all know why I did what I did, it doesn’t matter to me anymore.

I had been trying to build up the courage to become fear, to stop letting it control my life, but so far I hadn’t found that the timing was right. Sure there were days when I thought I should go for it, and I did try, but I always found a reason to back down.

Then I saw them a male and a female, and knew that my time had come, that the moment of my rebirth was here.

I saw them standing on the corner of Yonge and Queen, looking innocent and lost, just perfect for what I had to do. I began to follow them at a good distance so that if they looked back they wouldn’t see me, as they headed north on Yonge Street. I felt my own fear rising in me again as I was sure they would see me, or that someone walking by would be able to

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