A Solid Core of Alpha by Amy Lane

Author:Amy Lane [Lane, Amy]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi, pdf

THEY finished off C.J.’s Scorch that day, but that turned out to be a good thing. It seemed that Cassie’s husband had some much better liquor inside his stores, and the week they watched as Anderson discovered his own body and then the adult-level health and hygiene files, complete with enrichment materials, the two of them did some serious damage to Marshall’s selection.

The trouble, C.J. knew, as he watched that first interrupted session of masturbation, was that he had to go home and face Anderson after this.

And not just face him, sleep in the same bed, comfort him after his dreams, and… God. That wasn’t even the worst part. C.J. saw so much of him as a young man, even watching him discover his sexuality might have been able to be viewed impersonally, through the eyes of an engineer, if all C.J. did with Anderson was comfort him.

But that wasn’t all they did.

They ate dinner together, they watched comedy and romance vids, they talked about their favorite parts. They went shopping, they went out with C.J.’s friends and watched movies from planetside at the station’s small theater. They made plans to go to the hub to visit clubs when Anderson felt more comfortable with more people. The progression from watching the recording of Anderson to dealing with the living, seemingly recovered Anderson—Jesus, it was such a mindfuck.

That first day they had to deal with Anderson’s budding sexuality, C.J. thought he could handle it, and then Bobby walked into the room on the screen, and C.J. said, “Uh-oh,” right when Cassie said, “What?”

As the scene played out, C.J.’s first uncomfortable stirrings of arousal were drowned out by the horrible knowledge that Anderson’s innocence had pretty much condemned him to be on a shuttle full of people not one of whom would make a decent companion. As Bobby left, Anderson’s wistful expression lingered, and behind them, from the holograms who watched quietly with wide eyes, Bobby said, “Oh God. Jesus, I felt so bad.”

C.J. turned to him then and did what his sister probably thought was insane, but he didn’t care. “It’s not your fault,” he said quietly. “It’s not your fault when someone loves you and you don’t love them the same way. It just is. It’s one of the ways we hurt each other without even trying.”

Then he turned around and watched as Anderson proceeded to discover sex, and even without Anderson knowing that there would ever be a C.J. to witness his adolescent gropings, just watching it hurt C.J. without even trying.

God, it hurt to watch him discover sex on his own, to watch him fumble, embarrassed, excited, joyous, and always, at the end, ashamed of his own climax. It hurt to watch him hide it from his friend because he knew Bobby didn’t return his feelings, and to pretend he didn’t see the inevitable romance between the two people he loved the most.

“You know,” Cassie burbled, stoned on some of Marshall’s finest Hermes-Gamma grain-fruit wine, “I never saw that coming.

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