A Soccer Hooligan in America by Carl-Michal Krawczyk

Author:Carl-Michal Krawczyk [Krawczyk, Carl-Michal]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Black Rose Writing
Published: 2016-01-26T00:00:00+00:00

After all the introductions were all over, Nathan, Pastor Nathan thrust his Bible into the air once again, and got down to a bit of Biblical business and then he said, “Well, my friends, we have King James to thank for this!”

“King James,” he said again looking over in our direction, like he was trying to impress us that he knew who King James was, and so we nodded back at him in agreement like we also knew who he was.

See, they’ve even turned that around in America.

In our world of the Established Church of England and even our own Roman Catholic Church World of Rome, we had to impress the vicars of Christ, on account that the vicars were always right up there in the old El Knowledge Departmento and we were always lurking or loitering like urchin claptraps somewhere down below.

But here we had been placed on a pedestal.

Nathan, Pastor Nathan then went on a bit about how if it weren’t for the King James’ translation of this-here-there Bible – those are exactly the words he used as he held it up high – we’d all be at the mercy, not of God and His only begotten Son, but of a Pope in Rome and we’d be worshipping in Latin.

He thrust the Bible in the air one last time, looked directly over at me and Stavi and said, “Thank you, Lord. Thank you, England.”

Stavi says, “Not at all!”

(not at all: posh for you’re welcome)

It was a good job we didn’t announce to the congregation that we were two wretched Roman Catholic boys from Protestant England, on account that Nathan, Pastor Nathan told us a bit later that this was the very same King James that our lot, the Roman Catholics, tried to kill in the “Gunpowder Plot.”

We had no idea!

This happened on the fifth of November 1605, just two years before the original English immigrants came over to North America to establish the First Permanent Settlement in Jamestown, Virginia.

They wanted out!

They even named their settlement Jamestown, on account of this same King James 1st, and they also named the wider area around Jamestown Virginia in honour of Elizabeth 1st, who made that comment about St. Mary Redcliff Parish Church being the fairest and the goodliest parish church in all England. This was the same queen who was an unmarried-virgin and that that’s the reason they named it Virginia.

(virgin: she never ever had a bit.)

We never believed a naffing word of it then and we still don’t now, although with all that Elizabethan clobber she had on, it would’ve been difficult for anyone to get anywhere close to the business-end of her Tudor body. Stavski put it around at primary school that Sir Walter Raleigh must’ve been giving her one and when he mentioned that in class once, he was sent to Mr. Ayres, the Headmaster to be dealt with.

We shall never know. But we had no idea that this here-there Guy Fawkes bloke was Roman Catholic. That’s how ignorant we were about things like that.

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