We See Everything by William Sutcliffe

Author:William Sutcliffe
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781408890172
Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing
Published: 2017-08-01T04:00:00+00:00

The Base

During the ride from the bar, the faster I go, the harder she clings. A couple of times I think I hear her ask me to slow down, but over the engine and the wind it’s hard to be sure, and I’m enjoying that cling too much to want to listen.

When we arrive, she leaps down the moment we stop and yanks off her helmet. There’s something sexy about a girl removing a bike helmet – the way the hair tumbles out – but when her face comes into view, she isn’t pouting or flushed, like I’d hoped. She looks pale and annoyed.

‘Enjoy the ride?’ I say.

‘Why didn’t you slow down?’

‘I …’

‘I asked you to slow down.’

‘I couldn’t hear.’

‘Bullshit.’

‘It was perfectly safe.’

‘I asked you to slow down.’

I dismount and remove my own helmet.

‘Sorry,’ I say. ‘I’m really sorry. That’s how fast I always go. I suppose if you’re not used to it …’

‘I was scared.’

‘Sorry. I didn’t want to scare you.’

I step towards her and put a hand on her shoulder. She doesn’t step back. I take another step closer and she still doesn’t move.

I bend at the waist and go in for the kiss.

After a moment she pulls away.

‘Don’t,’ she says, turning aside. But that’s what she said about the bike ride, telling me it had frightened her, claiming she hated it while obviously standing there, waiting for me to kiss her. Maybe this is how she plays the game – saying one thing, meaning another – testing my confidence and assertiveness to find out how much I want her.

I reach an arm around her back, pull her towards me and kiss her again, strongly, on the lips, pushing my tongue into her mouth. She writhes and squirms in my grip, but I hold her tight, too excited by the thrill of kissing her to think about what her resistance means, not letting go until I feel her nails dig sharply into the flesh of my cheek. As I begin to withdraw, her knuckles shove into my neck and topple me off balance. She immediately sprints away from me, arms flailing as she lurches towards her front door.

I watch, motionless, as she struggles with the lock. She drops her keys, picks them up again with shaking hands, then throws herself inside and slams the door. Through the darkness, I hear a bolt and chain clatter into place.

My mind empties. All thought, all emotion, drains out of me. For a while, I am just a stack of bones wrapped in muscle and fat. I cannot move, I cannot think.

Somewhere down the road, a solitary dog barks. Under my feet, the planet spins at thousands of miles an hour.

Everything is lost.

I have failed with girls many times in many ways, but never like this. I have shamed myself many times in many ways, but never like this.

It does not seem comprehensible how, in a few seconds, something erotic and hopeful and generous can putrefy into violence and disgrace.

I want to

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