Unsuccessful Thug by Mike Epps

Author:Mike Epps
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2018-03-09T05:00:00+00:00

9

A Comedy Club and a Sewer in Atlanta

The day my daughter Bria was born was one of the happiest days of my life. The second I saw her, I loved her so much.

“Damn,” I said to Yolanda. “We got a daughter.”

I could not kiss that baby’s head enough—I kissed it over and over.

For the previous nine months I’d been in denial about being a dad, because it was such a huge responsibility. Deep down, from the second Yolanda told me she was pregnant, I’d been scared and I wanted to run from reality. She wanted to get married, get a house, all that, but I didn’t want to do any of it. I was still running in the streets. I didn’t have no money. I was trying to find a job. I was hustling.

I didn’t understand the magnitude of having a child. I didn’t know how to be a father, a boyfriend, or a decent person at the time. When Yolanda got pregnant, I was still trying to sell drugs and living in a boardinghouse. And I was a bad boyfriend even though Yolanda always treated me nice. She did anything in the world for me. I wish I could’ve treated her much better. I just felt so much shame about not being there for her and the baby that I just did more drugs. I wanted to destroy myself.

But now, looking at Bria, I felt a change in me. Bria was so innocent, just this cute, fat, tiny girl with squinty eyes. She was just so sweet and beautiful. Looking at her on the first day she was alive, I was so fucking happy. Whatever bad shit I’d done, I’d done this one good thing: I’d helped bring this wonderful little person into the world.

Yolanda picked her name. We didn’t talk about why she chose that name, but I think I know why. I wanted to be a comic, and Eddie Murphy had a daughter named Bria—I think that’s why. I still had dreams of being in comedy, but the most important thing now was to get money for diapers.

Yolanda’s auntie, Aunt Janet, who lived in Atlanta, offered to help. Aunt Janet said she could help me get a job working for the City of Atlanta and let me stay with her for a while. That sounded good to me. Even though it would mean being away from Yolanda and Bria, I was happy to have a reason to get out of Indianapolis, to try my luck in a new city.

Right before I left, I went to see my sister, Julie, my second mama. She was babysitting Bria that day, so we took turns holding her while we talked. I told Julie I wanted more for myself and for my daughter, and that what I really wanted to do was be a stand-up comic. I said that I was going to work like hell to do it, that I thought maybe I could be a star and then I could raise Bria right.

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