Trial Run by Hendricks Alison

Author:Hendricks, Alison
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-05-22T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 12

He’d wanted Jeremy for so long.

Kissing him, touching him was amazing enough, but to hear him say it? To hear those feelings had been mutual, even back then? To hear Jeremy echo one of his own thoughts, that he’d wanted his best friend as soon as he realized he could want someone else in that way? It was the best feeling in the world. Logan felt like he was flying and absolutely nothing else mattered.

Except… it did.

He had this strange, nagging sense that there was something incomplete about this. That there should be more to it, but he couldn’t identify what that more was. This was more than he’d ever hoped to dream of. How could he possibly wish for more? How could it ever be more, except in some ridiculous fantasy that was never going to happen?

When Jeremy broke away from him, though, stiff and guarded, he began to understand. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, some rushed thing. He would have taken whatever he could get, but it was clear Jeremy realized where things were headed and decided he didn’t want that, after all. He’d just been feeling vulnerable. Scared and alone and desperate for comfort.

It wasn’t ever anything more than that. Just two lonely men misinterpreting what they’d felt all those years ago. Or at least one lonely man misinterpreting it. Logan was positive that what he felt was real and valid, and hadn’t been any less so when he was a teenager.

“I’m sorry,” he said reflexively, reaching up to touch his kiss-bruised lips, “I… should have been more aware of what was happening. I shouldn’t have taken advantage.”

“No.” The single word is firm and a little incredulous. When Jeremy looks at him, his warm, gentle brown eyes are shimmering with the hint of unshed tears. “Jesus, Logan. Don’t treat this like it’s me not knowing what I want. I know what I want and I’m not ashamed of it.”

“Then why—”

“Because you hurt me more than any single person has ever hurt me,” he said, his voice strained, “and that’s saying a lot.”

Logan was stunned. He felt like he’d just been punched in the gut after having a glass of freezing water thrown in his face. There was so much pain there, and all of it was honed to a razor edge where it’d been blunted before.

“I…”

He couldn’t find the words to ask why Jeremy bothered pulling any punches before, but it seemed the other man knew what he was after.

Jeremy worried a hand through his light hair, the strands separating around his fingers. Fingers that had just moments ago been put to much better use. “I thought I was okay. I honestly thought I was okay and that I just… wanted you to acknowledge it. But I’m not okay, Logan. What you did to me… it still hurts.”

His mouth worked, but this time it wasn’t a matter of being unable to say the words. He couldn’t find them to begin with. They weren’t present because he had no idea what Jeremy was talking about.

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