The Peeling: Book 1 by Iain Rob Wright

Author:Iain Rob Wright [Wright, Iain Rob]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: apocalyptic, End of the World, Horror, Zombie, Virus, Suspense, Thriller, Lang:en, Jeremy's Choice
Publisher: Iain Rob Wright
Published: 2012-05-02T04:10:45+00:00

A-Z of Surviving a Horror Movie

A

Attractive - In the real world, being attractive is good, but in a horror film it is a no go. Masked killers and sick psychopaths love nothing more than to hack away at a well-proportioned pair of titties or a perfectly-sculpted booty. So if you find yourself and your friends being stalked by a guy in a hockey mask holding a machete, you need to ensure that you are as plain and unattractive as can be. Plaid shirts and wellington boots could be your only hope of survival.

Arson - When all other attempts to kill the bad guy or monster have failed, resort to fire. It is a well-known fact that 99% of supernatural slashers are vulnerable to flames, and one acceptable plan for survival would be to trap the bad guy inside a building and set light to it. This will ensure that you reach the end of the film alive whilst ambiguously leaving open the possibility that the killer survived to make the sequel. Fire can also work against nightmare-invading child-killers - especially if you find and burn their remains in the real world.

America - Nearly all horror movies take place in the USA, so if you live there, MOVE!

Acid - Acid is affective against all types of killers (even toon-killing maniacs. See Roger Rabbit). It is hard to procure, but there is a moment in every horror movie where one will find themselves in the empty corridors of a high school. It is this time when you should quickly seek out the building's science lab and look for any beakers of smoking, clear liquid marked with a skull and crossbones. Said liquid should then be applied to killer's face ad nauseum...

Side note: the narcotic 'Acid' is not a survival tool and will in fact lead to an imminent death (see later entry DRUGS).

Attic - The attic is useful for several reasons during a horror film. It is a place to hide while the killer stalks the floors below (you should usually be able to find a small hole in the floor to watch at your leisure). When eventually discovered, the attic will allow you to partake in an exciting rooftop chase that starts from an awkwardly shaped window and ends with someone falling to their death (hopefully the killer).

The attic is also useful because you will inevitably find an old dusty chest that contains back story on the killer and potentially objects to destroy them. This chest will also allow you to discover that your Gran knew all about 'everything' from the start but didn't tell you about it because they were blocking it out in an alcohol-fuelled, decades-long bout of denial.

Accidents - Never step backwards into a road whilst arguing with your friends. A bus WILL hit you!

Adults - Adults are absolutely unwilling to believe anything you say concerning masked killers or your impending death, despite the fact that they know all about it really. In fact in many cases the

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