The Courage to Try by C.A. Popovich

Author:C.A. Popovich [Popovich, C.A.]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 9781626395299
Publisher: Bold Stroke Books
Published: 2015-08-23T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter Eighteen

Sunday night, Jaylin sat in her car for five minutes before heading into the building. The CoDA meeting was already well in session, so she took a seat in the rear of the room. Maggie sat toward the front with her back to Jaylin. In the years she’d attended the Codependents Anonymous meetings, she’d avoided standing at the front of the room and talking. Tonight she felt compelled to tell her story, and the feeling had nearly kept her from attending.

When the stories waned, and there was a lull in the sharing, she stood and raised her hand. The facilitator smiled and waved Jaylin to the lectern.

Standing at the front of the room, Jaylin clutched the sides of the podium to hide her nervousness. “My name is Jaylin, and I’m glad to be here. I felt the need to speak tonight.” Jaylin looked out over the room. “A few years ago, I came to CoDA at the suggestion of my therapist. With the help of my sponsor, I got to a place where I felt able to enter into a relationship.” Jaylin met Maggie’s eyes and smiled. “I didn’t think I was all healed and healthy, but I went out with a couple of women and found one that seemed compatible.” Jaylin chuckled and shook her head. “I need to rephrase that. I found one that I could glob on to, become emotionally dependent on, and fix.”

Memories of Sally washed over her. “The important point I wanted to share tonight is that I was wrong. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t even know who I was, much less what I needed or deserved. When I finally realized that I was in a terribly dysfunctional relationship that had become abusive, I withdrew. I felt degradation and disrespect was normal, and I need to change that. This codependency stuff is real. I realize I was powerless over my lover, and the only one I can change is myself.

I look forward to being present in my relationships and honestly sharing who I am without fear or shame.” Jaylin stepped away from the podium. “Thank you all for being here tonight and taking time to listen to my story.” Jaylin walked to her seat followed by applause, and a thumbs-up gesture from Maggie.

“Can we talk after the meeting?” Jaylin asked Maggie as she walked past her.

“Of course,” Maggie said.

At the end of the meeting, Jaylin settled herself at a table with a bottle of water and waited for Maggie.

“What’s up?” Maggie asked and sat across from her.

“I’m struggling with my feelings for Kristen.” Jaylin stared into her water bottle as if she could find answers in the clear liquid.

“That’s good,” Maggie replied.

“What’s good about it? I say I’m struggling and you say that’s good?”

“Think about it. You’re allowing yourself to feel something. You may not know what it is, but at least you’re feeling.” Maggie paused for a moment before continuing. “When you spoke tonight, I was impressed with your insight and honesty. You got involved with Sally, probably, because she made you feel things.

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