Sex & Lies by Katherine Mansfield

Author:Katherine Mansfield [Katherine Mansfield]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781775534990
Publisher: Penguin Random House New Zealand
Published: 2013-11-23T05:00:00+00:00

It’s no good. It’s impossible. I can’t see it through. Oh, I do love you. I do love you, Mouse, but I can’t hurt her. People have been hurting her all her life. I simply dare not give her this final blow. You see, though she’s stronger than both of us, she’s so frail and proud. It would kill her — kill her, Mouse. And, oh God, I can’t kill my mother! Not even for you. Not even for us. You do see that — don’t you?

It all seemed so possible when we talked and planned, but the very moment the train started it was all over. I felt her drag me back to her — calling. I can hear her now as I write. And she’s alone and she doesn’t know. A man would have to be a devil to tell her and I’m not a devil, Mouse. She mustn’t know. Oh, Mouse, somewhere, somewhere in you don’t you agree? It’s all so unspeakably awful that I don’t know if I want to go or not. Do I? Or is Mother just dragging me? I don’t know. My head is too tired. Mouse, Mouse — what will you do? But I can’t think of that, either. I dare not. I’d break down. And I must not break down. All I’ve got to do is — just to tell you this and go. I couldn’t have gone off without telling you. You’d have been frightened. And you must not be frightened. You won’t — will you? I can’t bear — but no more of that. And don’t write. I should not have the courage to answer your letters and the sight of your spidery handwriting—

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