Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep by Lurlene McDaniel

Author:Lurlene McDaniel [McDaniel, Lurlene]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-307-77626-6
Publisher: Random House Children's Books
Published: 2014-08-19T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter Twelve

Carrie blinked, as if she hadn’t heard him correctly. He toyed with the guitar. “Have you ever heard of hospice?”

“I’ve heard the word, but I don’t know what it is.”

“I talked with Hella about it. She works with the program through the hospital. It’s a way of letting cancer patients die at home with their families to support them and without hurting. Nurses and social workers and all those types help the patients and then their families after the person dies. Hospice lets you die in your own home, in your own bed and not alone.”

Carrie recoiled. “That sounds awful! Like people are just standing around waiting for you to croak.”

He shook his head. “That’s not it at all, but when doctors tell you, ‘We can’t do anything else for you,’ you start thinking about what choices you’ve got left. The way I see it, you get one: you can decide where. I don’t want it to be in a hospital with that stinking smell of medicine all around me.”

“But you’re safer in the hospital. There’re nurses and doctors and machines. They can help you live longer.”

“How long? A few more weeks? What difference can a few lousy weeks make?” His voice rose, and she realized how upset he was about it. “And think about my family. Right now I just want to make it as easy on them as possible. I don’t want them taking shifts around my hospital bed. No, that’s not for me. This way hospice people will be with us all the way. None of us will have to be alone.”

“But none of you are alone,” she burst out. He had no idea what it was to be alone as she did.

“Wrong. We’re alone all right. After the doctors know for sure that you’re beyond their treatments and cures, they act like you don’t exist. Oh, they were nice to me in the hospital—you know—polite after the prognosis came in. But once they knew there was nothing left to do medically, well—I became a non-person, an embarrassment to them. Business as usual went on around me, but it didn’t concern me. It’s hard to explain.”

Somehow she understood. “So what will you do now?”

Keith laid the guitar down on the bed. “I’m going into the hospice program. That means no more treatments to stop the cancer.”

“Nothing?” Her hands had gone cold.

“Just medicine for pain—all that I need to keep from hurting.”

“But—but you could get addicted,” she cried.

A bemused smile appeared. “Believe me, becoming a junkie is not a major worry to me.”

She flushed, embarrassed. Of course it wouldn’t be. “And your parents are gonna let you do this?”

“I told you once before that my folks have always encouraged us to make our own decisions.”

“But this is different!”

“No it isn’t. Nothing’s going to change the fact that I’m dying. This way my family can be with me every step of the way—Mom and Dad, my sisters, and Jake.”

She felt alone and cut off. He was being taken from her in every way.

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