Love: A Messy Business by Abbie Walton

Author:Abbie Walton
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Updown Press
Published: 2015-06-20T23:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER EIGHT: AN EDUCATIONAL DISCUSSION

It was quite a frenetic few minutes leading up to the start of the webcam, in order to make sure all the preparations were complete and that Kate had a fair idea about what was going to happen. Kate soon came to appreciate that there was more to this than first met the eye - this was not just unplanned and uncoordinated messy mayhem, there was something of an art and a science to this, as Colin was keen to point out as they opened the last of the tins, ready for usage.

“You see, there are some producers who take a somewhat laissez-faire, anything-goes approach. They just provide the food and let the models get on with it – it just into a massive food fight really. There’s room for suchlike, I suppose, but my method is much more methodical and pre-planned than that.”

“I can’t see what really needs to be planned. By the way, this can opening machine is amazing! Is it a professional one?”

“Yeah, it’s the kind they use in restaurants and hotels. It’s a life saver, I can tell you. Opening a hundred tins with one of those crap regular ones would take an age, and it’s surprising how it makes your arm muscles ache after a while. Plus, there is an important safety factor to it as well, of course.

“Safety?”

“Oh, yes, absolutely. One of the most common injuries you get with sploshing is cut fingers from the sharp edges you can get sometimes when you open cans, especially when you’re in a rush like we are tonight. Having a proper machine like this means you always get a nice clean edge, as well as the speed.”

“Well, I suppose that makes sense. You mentioned “sploshing” just then. Is that the official name for what you do?”

“Well, yes and no. “Sploshing” was a term that was devised by a wonderful man called Bill Shipton way back in the 1980’s. He’s kind of our patron saint, in the UK at least. In the US, it’s probably a guy called Rob Blaine, but that’s a different story. Anyway, Bill was really into this and realized that “splosh” was one of the funny sounds that can be made when you’re doing this, especially when a bucket of custard is poured from a great height. So, the concept of “sploshing” was born. He even produced a magazine with the name “Splosh” for quite a while – that was in the days before the internet really got going. He did have a Splosh website as well though, which had a forum on it and some videos etc. It got taken down when he died though. That was a sad loss to us “sploshers”. But, back to the original question, some people call it sploshing, but generally it’s known these days as “WAM”.

“WAM? Let me guess – the ‘M’ stands for ‘Messy’?

“You’re dead right, yes - it stands for “Wet and Messy”. The people who do this stuff are very often known as “Wammers”.

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