In Place of Never by Julie Anne Lindsey

Author:Julie Anne Lindsey [Lindsey, Julie Anne]
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3, mobi
Publisher: Kensington
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 13

The Shadow

Pru poised a tiny brush over my fingernail. “So, Mark Dobbs became a minion of Satan to hide his older brother’s addiction?” Her eyebrows quirked. “That’s almost honorable.”

I rolled onto the bed, admiring my metallic-black manicure. “I don’t know he’s addicted, but he was definitely drunk. Depressed. Withdrawn. He needs help.” I bicycled my feet and waved my arms for faster drying.

Pru twisted the little brush back into its bottle. “Fine, but neither of them had any reason for being mean to you.”

“True.” I moved into a seated position and blew on my fingernails. “When do you think Sheriff Dobbs will tell Dad I was there?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe he won’t. I mean, why would he? You didn’t do anything wrong. You visited Brady and asked him normal, reasonable things about our sister. You can’t help he was drunk before lunch or that Mark’s an overzealous brother-protector whack-job. Sheriff Dobbs probably told them to relax and get some perspective.”

“Maybe.”

Pru set the polish aside and climbed onto the bed beside me. “What were you doing in your old room today?”

“Looking.”

“Yeah? See anything good?”

I nodded to my dresser. “That’s her old address book. She had a contact sheet in the back with names and numbers for all the color-guard girls. When I talked to Patricia and Vanessa after church, they told me to try Sara. I guess Sara was with the Lovells that night too.”

“And?”

“I called the home number listed. I told her mom who I was and what I wanted. She gave me Sara’s new cell number, but there was no answer. I left a rambling message of incoherency with my number. I guess Sara’s in New York now. Her mom says she moves every year. I hate bothering everyone. Stirring this up after so many years seems unfair to the people I’m questioning.”

Pru shook her head. “It’s never too late to want the truth.”

“Okay, but what will we even do with the answers I get? Am I selfishly upsetting a bunch of people I barely know so I can get closure?” I pressed the heels of my hands against my closed lids. “Why is this so complicated?”

The mattress shifted beneath me. Pru’s thin arm wrapped over my shoulders. “You deserve closure. That’s reasonable and no one thinks otherwise. Is there anything I can do?”

“Forgive me for checking out on you when you needed me? Everyone left you. Jeez, Pru, you were twelve. What was I thinking?”

She clucked her tongue. “There you go again. Let it go. Stop looking for reasons to hate yourself. You were thinking the same thing I was thinking. We lost everything, and Dad hid from us at the church. We went into survival mode. Hey, and for the record, I don’t care how you got through it. I’m glad you’re here now. You stayed.”

I bit back a pointless argument. Pru was right. The girl in my head wanted blame. She wanted a reason to give up again, but every day I refused was a day the voice grew weaker and I grew stronger.

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