I Love You, Always, Forever by Charlie Dean

Author:Charlie Dean [Dean, Charlie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2023-03-29T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 19

The day passes in a blur of visitors. Tony’s friends come by on their way back from town and join us for lunch. It’s such a nice day that we eat outside on the patio. Then, after they’ve gone, Christian’s Uncle Lou arrives with a video tape of some new show he’s recorded on his satellite TV, The X Files or something. He thinks Christian will like it. Apparently, it’s about searching for aliens. He promises he’ll watch it, but I’m not sure, sounds a bit daft to me.

Tony’s mum arrives just before five and brings us homemade lasagne and apple pie before whisking Tony off to visit another uncle in hospital. Finally, we’re alone.

We’re sitting on the sofa downstairs, the TV is on, Jim Davidson’s Big Break is about halfway through.

‘I think Back to the Future Two is on after this.’ He says, picking up the Radio Times. ‘Or we could watch that show Uncle Lou recorded.’ I shrug. ‘Or a film?’ He senses I’m not really interested in any of these things. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing.’ How can I tell him what’s going on in my head? All these strange feelings and weird sensations are churning me up inside, and I don’t know what to do about them. We had a very limited sex talk at school in third year. We were shown an illustrated version of how a woman gets pregnant, followed by a video of an actual baby being born. Poor India fainted at this, right off the science stool and onto the floor. Luckily, she fell backwards and not forwards otherwise she’d have smashed her face on the work bench. Then the boys got taken away, and we were shown how to use tampons and sanitary towels and given free samples.

But no one talks about how it actually feels. How when you meet someone, your body wants to do all sorts of random things with them that you’d never think to do otherwise. For example, why would you want to stick your tongue in someone else’s mouth and what possesses anyone to want a boy’s thingy in their private parts? It’s as if my body knows exactly what it wants to do and how to do it though. I’ve never seen a man’s penis in real life and the girls and I always used to giggle about how odd it looked in books. Lyn and India have already had sex with their boyfriends. They’re eighteen in a few weeks, though, and felt ready. Up until this moment, I’ve felt far from ready.

Then, of course, there’s being accused of acting like a slag. Girls are told over and over again not to have sex unless you’re in a long-term relationship. Only girls with no morals sleep around but boys get slapped on the back for it. Such a double standard.

And again, no one talks about feelings. How at this very moment in time I want to jump on Christian and rip his clothes off? But it makes

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