Dishonor Thy Wife by Belinda Austin

Author:Belinda Austin [Austin, Belinda]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Belinda Austin
Published: 2016-06-13T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter 43

BRAD

Married life is spectacular if you are not really a husband. I lean back on my brother’s office chair, clink my shoes on his desk and grin at the I Want to Marry Elvis Wedding Chapel eight-by-ten photo of the happy bride Vanessa with her groom. The smiling couple stands on each side of the Elvis Presley minister who has an arm around each. The photo brightens up the gloomy decor of Jayden’s boring office.

“You need some more family photos, brother.” Talking to pictures of Jayden, makes me feel closer to my brother. Okay, so I am really talking to myself because the one photo of Jayden in his office is of me assisting in the operation of one of his patients. I took my mask off to smile at the camera and streaked my cheek with blood. Other than my lovely photo, there are just boring medical certificates and medical books. Jayden’s office is blah decor with nothing personal of the man to mark his office, until now—a photo with wedding bells sketched into the glass frame. I push a UPS tracking receipt of the wedding video that I mailed to my brother into the frame corner.

Jayden ruins my good mood by calling and screaming like a fishwife. “You married her! You married Vanessa, the woman you promised to break up with!”

“But...”

“You dirty bigamist!”

“It wasn’t me who married Vanessa, Jayden. It was you.”

“Quit confusing us! I was right here in Austin. I was not the one who dressed up as Elvis and married her, Brad!”

“Really, neither of us married her, Jayden. Elvis did. Elvis is her husband.”

“You can go to prison in Canada for having two wives, Brad!”

“Let’s get one thing straight, Jayden; I am not going to jail because you are not really married to Vanessa. I did not sign the marriage certificate so the marriage is illegal, thus, there is no marriage. Vanessa is too dumb to realize we should have signed. The Vegas wedding is simply a joke on her.” I sang my last sentence to the Wedding Bell Blues tune, mimicking Vanessa.

“Quit laughing, jackass! How can you play such a cruel joke on a woman?”

“Hey, the minister thought it was a funny jest. I did you a favor, brother. Once Vanessa finds out the wedding was fake, she will break up with you.”

“End this, Brad, and soon. You are twisted, you know that?”

“Well, thank ya. Thank ya very much,” I say in my best Elvis impersonation.

Kazam! Jayden must have used a hammer on the End Call button. He did not even give me a chance to announce that his office staff threw a party to celebrate his wedding.

I whisper to his wedding photo, “I haven’t even opened any of your wedding gifts, brother. I figure you want the honors. I never bought you anything in Philly except a Whiskey Sour and an AMF. Remember how many AMFs we drank and each time, toasted our biological mother. We lifted our glasses of AMF and yelled out, Adios Mother Fucker! Well, at least I did.

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