Defragmenting Daniel: The Complete Trilogy Box Set by Jason Werbeloff

Author:Jason Werbeloff
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: UNKNOWN
Published: 2017-07-17T06:00:00+00:00

Don’t Kvetch the Small Stuff

“Mine Strauss used to say, ‘Don’t kvetch the small stuff.’ I say, don’t kvetch about Daggy Munch. I am a strong voman. A voman vith –”

“Ma’am, you were attacked. Savagely. Your tongue. The skin on your legs. The doctors say the nerve damage to your mouth could be permanent. Help me catch your attacker.”

Daggy leaned back in her hospital bed. Interlaced her fingers. “Mister policeman. I tell you already, it vas an alp who attacked me. I cannot tell you more zan zat.”

Kage swallowed his rising impatience. “Ma’am, we believe –”

“Mine Strauss vas za only man who vould call me ‘ma’am’. Did I tell you vat he vould do after he finished his berry milk on Sundays? He vould –”

“Ms. Munch, the ‘alp’ who attacked you is an organ donor. He donated his organs to you some time in the past. If you give us permission to access your organ reception history, I can get a warrant and tr–”

“An alp is an organ donor. Are you mad, mister policeman? Mine alp vas no organ donor. Vat nonsense is zat? I am tired. I have a show in just one hour. Leave me.”

“Please. I just –”

Daggy clapped her hands together, sat bolt upright, and glared into Kage’s eyes. The intensity of her stare almost drove Kage backward a step.

“You come in here, you … you man vith your badge and ‘ma’am’ and ‘Ms.’ You come in here, and sink za woman vill bend over for you. Vell, I tell you somesing. I tell you zat zis voman vill not bend for no man. No man but mine Strauss, who died not two years ago. Only one man can put zis voman over his knee, and –”

“I meant no disrespect,” Kage implored. “All I need is permission to access –”

Daggy chucked a meatball at the Detective. Balled her tremendous hands into fists. “You sink zat I cannot fight you. I vill fight you. Come here, you pasetic little man. I vill show you how za vomen fight in za mazerland.”

There was a knock on the glass partition. A doctor with a sympathetic smile shook his head.

It was time to leave.

If Daggy Munch couldn’t give him the permission he needed for the warrant, he’d try Mayor Russell, Lincoln’s brother.

*

“Sterling job you lads are doing down at Bubble PD. Always been a fan of your department. Captain Weeks and I go back a long ways, you know.”

Mayor Donald Russell sipped his whiskey. Clinked the ice cubes against the translucent forcefield tumbler.

“Thank you, sir. Technically, I’m not part of the department. I’m a consultant. I help out in cases like your brother’s.”

The Mayor shone a million-credit smile at the Private Detective. “Even more impressive. A well-to-do working soul plying his trade in the hope of making a difference. There it is right there. Capitalism at work. This is the spirit of the Bubble. That’s it right there. In you, son.”

“That’s very kind of you,” said Kage, examining the smooth-cheeked face of the Mayor.

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