Countless by Karen Gregory

Author:Karen Gregory
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781408882498
Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing
Published: 2016-02-03T05:00:00+00:00

Chapter 18

2 WEEKS

‘Well, I suppose this is it then.’ Dad stands at the door to my flat, shuffling his feet forward and backwards, like he can’t quite bring himself to leave. ‘I’ve put some money in your account.’

‘Thanks, Dad,’ I say.

‘And you’ll phone us and let us know how you’re both getting on?’ he says.

‘If you want me to,’ I say.

‘Maybe phone my mobile,’ he says.

I nod. Mum isn’t speaking to me.

‘She’ll come around,’ he says. ‘She’s just worried about you and Rose.’

‘She doesn’t need to be. Rose is putting on weight. We’ll be fine,’ I say.

Dad does his foot shuffle thing again, then finally goes.

I put the chain on, then turn to Rose in her car seat, the buggy and all the other new stuff piled next to her. Dad said he’d drop the cot off in a couple of days but until then Rose still fits in the Moses basket.

‘Well. It’s the two of us now,’ I say to Rose.

I unstrap her and show her around. ‘It’s not much, but we’ll make it home, right?’

I don’t feel self-conscious any more, talking out loud to Rose. It feels like the most normal thing in the world and, anyway, she’s a good listener.

It’s nice, here in the quiet, just Rose’s snuffly breaths and her warm head snuggled under my chin. Her hair is so smooth and I turn my head so my cheek rubs gently on it, like a cat, my arms around her feeling strong.

But after a while, I begin to feel antsy. The flat is smaller than I remembered, the walls too close in a way that reminds me of the labyrinth dream.

‘Let’s go and see Robin, shall we?’ I say to Rose.

I knock on his door and he gives a huge smile when he sees us. ‘You’re back then?’

‘Yep.’

‘Well, you’re in time for lunch!’

I work hard to keep my face from falling.

We go in and Robin holds Rose. She looks super comfortable in his arms. He holds her the right way too, up high against his chest, not down flat like you think you should hold babies. Took me a while to figure that one out.

‘You’re a natural,’ I say. ‘You been getting in some practice?’

It’s only a joke, but for a second Robin looks strange, like he’s off on some other planet or something. Then he passes Rose back to me slowly, like he doesn’t quite want to let her go. Can’t blame him – she is gorgeous.

‘So, did something happen between you and your mum?’ he says.

‘Pretty much.’ I give him a quick replay of the argument I had with Mum. ‘After that, I realised I couldn’t do it. She was taking over. I felt like I couldn’t breathe in that house. And I suddenly saw I have to do this on my own, my way.’

‘How did your mum take it?’ Robin says.

‘Well, she threatened to report me to social services, for starters. But I’m not worried,’ I say.

This is a lie. I’m actually terrified of what Joanna is going to say, but I couldn’t stay in that house any more.

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