Blind Eye by Stuart MacBride

Author:Stuart MacBride [MacBride, Stuart]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi, azw3, pdf
Tags: Mystery & Detective, Fiction, Police Procedural, Hard-Boiled
ISBN: 9780312382643
Publisher: Macmillan
Published: 2009-09-29T04:00:00+00:00

34

‘Come on, just a little sperm, you’ll no’ miss it, will you?’

Logan turned off the engine. ‘Can we just go one day without the sperm talk?’

The ClarkRig Training Systems Ltd car park was busy today, he’d had to squeeze the CID Vauxhall in between a Nissan Skyline and a filthy minibus with ‘BRUDAS ~ STRONG TEAM!!!’ finger-painted in the grime. There was only just enough room to open the doors.

‘Don’t be so wet.’ Steel popped another little white pellet of nicotine gum, chewing with her mouth open as they marched over to the entrance.

The old lady on reception told them Zander wasn’t in his editing suite today, he was filming. Then she ushered them through in to the studio.

It looked a lot like a converted warehouse, because that’s what it was. A large soundstage sat in the middle of the space, everything painted in the same shade of bright blue and covered in a grid of little yellow markers. There was a half-sized humpbacked bridge made of chipboard; two rows of boxes for a riverbank; and a pair of plastic Victorian lampposts, the kind you got in DIY stores for the garden. A big lighting rig hung above everything, showering it in a golden glow.

The only things onstage not painted Chroma Key blue were the three people on top of the bridge. Two women, one man, grinding away, stark naked.

Steel froze. ‘Oooh … will you look at that…’

A camera swooped in on the end of a long, counterbalanced pole, worked by two blokes who wouldn’t have looked out of place in a zoo.

Someone pressed play, and music belted out of a portable stereo.

As Logan watched, a small rowing boat slid out from beneath the bridge. There were little men in the boat. Little men dressed in white dungarees, brown turtlenecks, and white gloves. Little men with orange faces, white eyebrows, and green hair.

Logan blinked twice, but they were still there. ‘Oh, you have got to be kidding.’

And then they started to sing.

‘What do you get with a dose of VD?

An itch in your crotch, and it burns when you pee,

I bet you wish that you’d worn a condom,

Now we are singing our song,

Humpa Lumpa…’

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