Better a slut than no sex at all by Barbara Balldini

Author:Barbara Balldini
Language: deu
Format: epub
Publisher: Kyrene Verlag
Published: 2012-11-15T00:00:00+00:00

The Thing About Being Faithful

There can be no peace in the world

as long as there is war in love.

Dieter Duhm

Have you heard? Legions of part-time lovers live in working marriages. More than a third of all people live in love triangles over longer periods. The rest make do with one-night stands, get laid in brothels and swinger clubs, or let themselves be spoilt literally from end to end in tantric studios. The fact is that a fling or an extra-marital affair could well revive a troubled relationship.

Today, eighty-six percent of women and seventy-three percent of men can imagine having an extra-marital affair. What does this tell us? Dozens of men and women confessed to me and pointed out that they wouldn’t love their partner the less for it. On the contrary, the satisfaction they gain somewhere else, the recognition, and feeling desired, were having a positive effect on their partnerships.

We weren’t born for monogamy. Things would be a lot easier if we were. It would save us a lot of trouble. But someone who, after twenty years of marriage, says they aren’t tempted now and then, either is a shameless liar, a hypocrite, or perhaps simply repressed. That we find other people attractive and sexy, that our fantasies get the better of us, is perfectly natural. It is evolutionary, in fact.

Faithfulness, in and of itself, is an honourable ambition. A truly noble thought. “I’ll be true to you till death do us part.” That’s what we all hope for. And yes, that’s how it should be. Forever and always.

Of course, at the moment we say it, we’re not aware that it is nothing but an illusion. When we’re in love and when this love is reciprocated, the body produces certain hormones and endorphins. Especially oxytocin, sometimes referred to as the love hormone, gives us the feeling that we will never again be able to love a person as much as we love this one. We want to be with no one but him. Would even die for him, if circumstances demanded it, and we swear eternal faithfulness.

After about two years, sometimes even sooner, this chemical cocktail in the body has been watered down. Routine sets in and being together slowly turns into a habit. If people don’t live in a long-distance relationship, which prolongs the excitement of looking forward to each other over a longer period, they will have reached a point, after a couple of years, when they will seriously ask themselves where the desire of old has gone. Sure, they still have sex, but it’s not nearly as frequent as it used to be, and also much less spectacular than in the early days of the relationship.

Many people would love to go back to this initial state. Those in long-distance relationships, meanwhile, will start thinking after two years, at the latest, whether they shouldn’t move in together after all. And then will be faced with the same problem one year on.

And suddenly the world around will be noticed once more.

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