BIG D: A SPORTS ROMANCE by Stephanie Brother

Author:Stephanie Brother [Brother, Stephanie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: UNKNOWN
Published: 2016-10-15T18:30:00+00:00

16

Hannah

Dreams and nightmares; we have to feed them to keep them alive.

That was his message to me, stuffed deep inside the envelope on a scrap of paper so small, I missed it at first.

The words lacerate me because I know from experience just how true they are. My nightmares follow me daily. Every mistake I’ve made in my life hangs like a dead weight around my neck. I sit and look at those words, tears spilling from my eyes.

Dominic left.

He left and he said nothing.

And do you know what? I don’t blame him. I’m not even angry with him, just with myself. I’m fucking furious with myself because this is all my fault. I had a rule for a reason. I made a promise to myself because I know what I’m like. I have bad judgment. I can’t be trusted. I’m weak and I let this shit happen to me, knowing how much it's going to wreck me when it all goes wrong.

Why did I let myself hope that things with Dominic might be different?

I don’t even know. I brush my tears away with the back of my hand and begin to sort out the loose bills that he left on my bed. Inside my chest, my heart feels like a piece of meat that has been smashed with a tenderizer. It feels thin and fragile, ruined and raw.

The money piles up in my hand, each bill seeming like another stamp of shame on my life. When it’s all neatly stacked, I find the other $2,000 and bundle it all together. I really need to get to the bank so that I can make the transfers. I slip it underneath my mattress again for safe keeping until tomorrow.

I take a shower even though it's late. I need to wash away what happened, physically and emotionally. I need to try to eradicate the feelings that have me weeping. When I’m clean, I lie down and try to sleep. The pillow smells of Dominic’s cologne, and fresh tears spring to my eyes. I strip the pillowcase and toss it on the floor, resting my head on the bare pillow. I cover my face with my hands and bawl.

I don’t know how long I cry for. Locked in my distress, I have no concept of time.

Eventually, it’s quiet and I’m almost drifting off to sleep when there's a knock at the door. I think it must be Dominic, coming back to say all the things I was expecting or maybe coming back to apologize for leaving. What the fuck does he think he has to say to me that is going to make a damn difference to how I feel right now? For a second I remember our tutoring arrangement. Maybe that’s why he’s being so persistent. He got home and realized that he’ll be off the team if he doesn’t get his grades up, and without me, he stands less of a chance.

Selfish bastard.

I’m fuming by the time I reach the door. It’s the middle of the night and all Dominic can think about is his own life and his own problems.

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