Yanagai! Yanagai! by Andrea James

Author:Andrea James [James, Andrea]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781760620356
Publisher: Currency Press
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

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SCENE ELEVEN: LANGUAGE IN THE COURTROOM—TAKE THAT!

Three loud knocks sound out.

QC: All rise! I call Lesley James to the stand.

LESLEY takes the stand.

Please state your full name for the court.

LESLEY: [tapping the microphone loudly] Testing! Testing! One! Two! Three!

QC: Thank you, Mr James, please state your full name for the court.

LESLEY: Ahem! Lesley Shadrach James.

QC: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

LESLEY: The truth?

QC: Yes, Mr James, do you swear—?

LESLEY: The truth is in the trees.

QC: Do you swear to—?

LESLEY: The truth is in the water, in the bush! That’s where it is!

QC: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

LESLEY: That’s all I have left.

QC: Mr James, you must answer, clearly, ‘I do’.

LESLEY: Bloody hell, I feel like I’m getting married—Alright, ‘I do’ as long as I can get a divorce later. Nah, only gammon. What was the question?

QC: Mr James, you must swear ‘I do’, clearly, before the testimony can begin.

LESLEY: Right.

QC: I will repeat the question.

LESLEY: [blurting out] I do! Sorry. You have to give me the question first though, ay?

QC: Mr James, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

Pause.

LESLEY: I…

Dramatic pause.

QC: Mr James?

LESLEY: … do! There you go. That was easy, ay? Ah, what was the question?

QC: Mr James!

LESLEY: Right. Carry on. Bloody hell.

QC: Mr James! This is a court of law. Unnecessary language will be classified as contempt of court.

LESLEY: Unnecessary language?

QC: You are required to answer all questions clearly and truthfully.

LESLEY: Unnecessary language.

QC: Thank you, Mr James, the court will be asking you a series of questions which will—

LESLEY: Manarraupna mutja!

The words ‘Thunder in your anus!’ are projected behind LESLEY.

QC: Excuse me?

LESLEY: Manarraupna mutja!

QC: I haven’t asked you a question.

LESLEY: That’s language. It means ‘You are my friend’. Did you get that down for the records? That’s M… A… N…

QC: Thank you, Mr James, we will refer to that term in due course. If I could just ask you one question?

LESLEY: Yep. Go on.

QC: Thank you. Mr James, can you please state—?

LESLEY: Woningenda dhanu minhe? Ngina gaka daya minhetguda? [‘You want what? You come here what for?’]

QC: You must wait for the question, before you speak!

LESLEY: Ngina beka muma molwa! Nyini Yorta Yorta wala maniga naika nyanuan. Yanagai! Yanagai! [‘You demon from grave! My mob water fish duck belong us.’]

QC: Mr James, you must answer me in English or this testimony will not stand in this court of law!

The QC is banging his hammer. The English translations are projected around the space.

LESLEY: Nga dhupan nyunu woningenda! Woningenda pekka! [‘I spit hate you! You ghost!’]

QC: Order in the court!

LESLEY: Woningenda pekka batima! Woningenda pekka batima! [‘You devil to spear! You devil to spear!’]

QC: Mr James! Order in the court!

LESLEY: Yorta Yorta woka deyawin! Ngunuk nga loatbaty! [‘Yorta Yorta land this one here! I am talking to you!’] Lotjpa Yorta Yorta! [‘Speak Yorta Yorta!’] Yanagai! Yanagai!

QC: Officers of the court, remove this gentleman from the stand! This court is adjourned!

The TELLERS enter.

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