Widower to Widower: Surviving the End of Your Most Important Relationship by Colby Fred

Author:Colby, Fred [Colby, Fred]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Front Range Press
Published: 2018-04-14T16:00:00+00:00

Over time my will to live gained strength. If you are fortunate as I was, family, friends, neighbors and others will offer you much needed comfort and support which makes you feel that life is worth living. However, you can only enjoy this comfort and support if you’re willing to accept it. To do so, I needed to let others know that I was open to that support and grateful for it. Like me, you may desperately need to have friends, particularly women, who are brave enough to give you hugs, pats on the back, and kind words. These can become treasured moments that you look forward to and that lift your spirits immensely.

I had woman friends at my granddaughter’s preschool, at my former work place, in the neighborhood, at church, and at my wife’s craft store. I could always count on at least one or two good hugs to help me get through the day. If I had a day without hugs I was bummed.

As I exited the deep grieving cycle (anywhere from a few months to a year on average) I began to identify those things which can make life fun again. For me this meant new activities (trips, hiking, snowshoeing), new friends, a new woman friend, and new interests such as learning new skills, hobbies, sports, or practices. The spiritual also became increasingly important to me as I looked for answers. I encourage you to open your mind and explore the many different perspectives out there on dying, living, and being a whole and fulfilled person.

I found writings and talks by Deepak Chopra, Eckhart Tollé, and Dr. Brené Brown to be challenging, interesting, and helpful. I adopted the teachings I found useful, and then discarded those I found too far out there or in conflict with my own belief system. Each of those which I adopted made me stronger and better equipped to meet the challenges of grieving.

After a year, I gained the confidence to live life fully again, even though I knew that I would continue to miss my wife, and to grieve for her. You will also find that this kind of research and adoption of new beliefs will bring you into closer contact with other people, including potential woman friends (not necessarily lovers), who can offer you additional support systems going forward. If you are brave, as I was, you may go to group meetings featuring these authors/philosophers and find yourself in a room full of smart attractive women who are only too glad to have an intelligent and inquisitive guy in the group.

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