What She Lost by Susan Elliot Wright

Author:Susan Elliot Wright [Wright, Susan Elliot]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Eleanor, 17 December 1982

It was the end of term, and they were getting ready for another party – in their own house, this time. They spent all afternoon decorating the rooms with paper chains and fairy lights. Eleanor was looking forward to it. It was a last chance to have a good time before going home for Christmas. Her stomach lurched at the thought. Ever since she’d found out about Peter, it had been virtually impossible to enjoy herself while she was at home. It felt wrong to laugh or be too happy, considering what she’d done when she was little.

The payphone in the hall rang while they were putting their make-up on in the living room. Kathy went to answer it. ‘Hang on,’ Eleanor heard her say. ‘I’ll get her.’ She came back into the room. ‘It’s for you, Ellie – Ray.’

‘Ray? Wonder what he wants.’ She took a sip of her Bacardi and Coke and went into the hall. ‘Hello?’

‘Ellie, it’s me.’

‘I know. How’s it going?’

‘I, er, I thought I’d give you a bell.’

She waited.

‘How did you get on with your essay?’

‘Which one?’

‘Weren’t you doing something on Swinburne and . . . ’ He sounded strange; nervous.

‘Tennyson. Yes, I got it in on time. Haven’t got it back yet, though. I think it’ll be all right.’

‘Thing is, Eleanor . . .’

Ah. Now she knew what was coming.

‘I don’t want to hurt you, but I’ve been thinking about it, and I think we should split up.’

Her initial reaction was annoyance. How dare he assume she’d be hurt. But then she realised she was hurt. Not devastated, not heartbroken, but yes, a little hurt.

‘I was thinking, it’s not practical, is it? With me in London and you in Reading. I mean, it’ll be months before we see each other again, won’t it?’

‘Not really. I’ll be home for Christmas next week.’

‘Yes, but I meant after—’

‘It’s my hair, isn’t it? My lack of it, I mean?’ She hadn’t known she was going to say that. Not so boldly and bluntly, anyway.

There was a telltale moment’s hesitation. ‘No, it’s just . . . You’re a really nice girl, Ellie. And I still want to be friends, but . . .’

She was aware that things had gone quiet in the living room. She tried to make her voice brisk. ‘It’s all right, Ray. Let’s just call it a day, shall we?’

‘I knew you’d understand.’ The relief in his voice was unmistakable. She didn’t know why she was so bothered. He was nice enough and he made her laugh, but it’s not like she wanted to get engaged to him or anything. He’d seemed okay about her hair at first, but now she thought about it, she realised that every time they spoke, he asked if it was growing back yet. ‘Yeah, well,’ she said. ‘See you around.’

When she pushed the living-room door open, there was a sudden flurry of activity as everyone pretended they hadn’t been listening. ‘Fuck him,’ she announced as she walked back in.

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