Webb's Weird Wild West by Don Webb

Author:Don Webb [Webb, Don]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Horror, Westerns, General, old west, Fantasy, robert e. howard, Western, Fiction, henry james, weird fiction
ISBN: 9781434411945
Google: R3g245N3p7AC
Amazon: 143441194X
Publisher: Borgo Press
Published: 2010-11-08T06:00:00+00:00

COMMON SUPERSTITIONS

On his thirtieth birthday, Mike Jaynes experienced a Vision. It had been a disappointing birthday. His wife had been drafted into housekeeping for her bedridden sister. The secretary who arranged the office parties had transferred to Pubs last week—so no one at work said anything. His mother’s card wasn’t in the mailbox. Gout attacked his left big toe. The refrigerator coughed up smoke and died an hour after he came home.

Mike threw out most of the food (and the ex-margarine containers which held it). He hobbled down to the dumpster, heaved the plastic in; something gray and vile splashed out. He hobbled back up. He sprayed the shirt with Spray-N-Wash and wadded it in a corner. He took a six pack out of the warming refrigerator and four fresh peaches. He turned on the teevee. The cable was out. Natch. Mike had two choices. KAYS was rerunning a Lost In Space episode—the one where Dr. Smith demonstrates an Interstellar Vending Machine to Will despite the Robot’s objections. Mike bit into the peach. KACC offered a short middle-aged woman explaining Sartre’s Being and Nothingness. She said, “‘Esse est percipi.’ To be is to be seen. What does it mean to be seen?” [Mike opened a beer, threw a peach pit at the trash can, missed.] “Sartre offers us the wonderful example of the voyeur.” [Mike switches over to KAYS.] “Warning! Warning! Alien life form approaching!” [Mike switches back.] “who is suddenly seen as he watches through the keyhole. Suddenly he is become thing-like, for the Other now has notions concerning his behavior. He is seen as a voyeur. He has lost his freedom.” [Mike switches.] “with Lee Press-On Nails” Mike turns the set off. He remembers his gout medicine and hobbles off to take twice the usual dosage to counteract the beer.

Mike drinks another beer, eats another peach and begins to sing the Birthday Song. Two more beers. Mike nestles into the couch and sleeps. Around midnight the television comes on.

“MIKE”

“What? Who’s there?”

“IT IS I THE LORD”

Mike opens his eyes. A face of unsurpassing beauty and holiness fills the 19-inch Sony Trinitron. It is a human face but surpassing all in its perfection. After all it is the model. Mike wonders what it’s advertising.

“I ADVERTISE NOTHING. I AM THAT I AM. I AM CALLING YOU TO BE MY PROPHET AND SPEAK TO THE CITY OF DALLAS.”

Mike thought they’d got rid of the Draft. He says, “Dallas? Like in Texas?”

“DALLAS AND ITS METROPLEX. GRAPEVINE, IRVING, PLANO, DUNCANVILLE.”

“O.K. I get the idea. Why?”

“THEY ARE IN GRAVE NEED. SO ARE MANY OF MAN’S CITIES BUT DALLAS HAS BEEN RATED MOST CREDIBLE BY MY RESEARCH TEAM. A MISSION STARTED THERE HAS GREATEST CHANCE OF SPREADING.”

“Why me?”

“YOU HAVE TWO WEEKS PAID VACATION THAT YOU MUST TAKE BEFORE THE END OF THE FISCAL YEAR. YOUR WIFE WILL REMAIN IN ORLANDO AND THIS WILL SAVE YOU FROM A GREAT DEAL OF BOREDOM.”

Mike remembers the double dose of medicine. That explains it. Mike relaxes.

“How are they supposed to repent?”

“DOESN’T MATTER.

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