Wasting More Police Time: Further Adventures in La-La Land by David Copperfield

Author:David Copperfield [Copperfield, David]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Monday Books
Published: 2012-02-22T23:00:00+00:00

They set up a team of about 30 people, headed by a superintendent – who, incidentally, only ever walked the street for about six months and has never actually arrested anyone other than by appointment – and containing lots of sick, lame and lazy policemen, to look at ‘business areas’ where we can work ‘faster, smarter, better’ and ‘deliver more for less’. There was a huge fanfare in the force edition of Pravda about it, how they were going to revolutionise the whole place. This seemed to consist of sending out begging emails looking for ideas as to how to cut crime, put more officers on the street, save money and maintain the public confidence targets which the Home Secretary supposedly has scrapped.

This email is just one of a hundred waiting for me when I get back to work after a couple of days off – a blizzard of shite. Have I read this policy? Did I know that business area needed to be kept ‘top of mind’? Am I aware that the BCU [Basic Command Unit – a division of the force] is slipping behind on street cautions this quarter? Not to mention the in-tray, where some bozo stat-farmer from the Crime Management Unit has waddled down to the report room and left me a passive-aggressive note to say I haven’t photocopied the third, entirely irrelevant page of the attached file, and can I please do this as the file is incomplete and the matter can’t be resulted until I do so? You’ve wobbled past half a dozen photocopiers on the way down here, you fat lazy heifer, how about you do it?

PC, 31, Northern force

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