Walking in Circles Before Lying Down by Merrill Markoe

Author:Merrill Markoe
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781588365651
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2006-08-01T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 1

Being and Somethingness

By Chuck

My memory is burdened by chaos and cacophony; details, impulses, and desires from this morning and ten million years ago. Flashes from some ancient collective past in Eastern Europe, sometimes only seconds long. I remember roaming with a pack and everything making sense. When the moon was full, we’d all go stalk aurochs. Sometimes when we’d catch one, we’d rip it apart and feast. Back then no one screamed about mud on the carpet. No one said a single word about getting blood on the furniture. No one ever cared if we puked, then ate it and puked again. Why would they? Everyone did it. No one batted an eye. Sometimes I remember everything, and sometimes I don’t know what I remember; the creodonts begat the miacis begat the cynodictus, then tomarctus. Or was it the cynodictus after the creodonts, then miacis? Sometimes it seems like yesterday, I can almost smell them all. And then the wind shifts and I hear a yelp, a shriek, some kind of cry. Is it a wild boar? A hyena in its death throes? Or is it that rubbery undercooked lambchop that squeaks when I bite on it? Why does it squeak? Is it still alive? Did I stalk and kill a squeaky latex animal? Why is it so red, yet there is no blood? Is it grotesquely undercooked? I have so many questions for which there are no answers. Like why, when I see the garbage can on the kitchen counter, do I flash for a moment to the African veldt and feel a raw metaphysical urge to leap upon it? Why do I want to tackle that can, to kill that can and rip it open, then throw back my head in a joyous cry of bloody communion?

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