Utopia Avenue by David Mitchell
Author:David Mitchell [David Mitchell]
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00
Roll Away The Stone
Six policemen enter the check-in hall at Rome airport followed by a chief who removes his sunglasses and scans the crowd. Dean imagines a gunfight between the cops and the businessmen at the Aeroflot counter, who turn out to be KGB. Screams, havoc, blood. Dean dodges the bullets to rescue that hot signorina in the pink jacket. The KGB guys are shot. The King of Italy pins a medal onto Dean. The signorina in pink takes Dean to meet her father, whose castle sits atop a hundred acres of vineyard. ‘I ’ave no sons of my own,’ he hugs the brave Son of Albion, ‘until today …’
Back in reality, the chief is joined by a photographer.
He looks familiar. He is. He did a shoot of the band at their hotel. He spots Dean, Griff, Jasper and Levon, and points. The chief strides over, his men following in V-formation. He doesn’t look like he’s after an autograph. ‘Uh …’ says Dean. ‘Levon?’
Levon’s speaking with the clerk. ‘One moment, Dean.’
‘I’m afraid we don’t have that long.’
The chief is here. ‘You is the gruppo Utopia Avenue?’
‘How can we help you, Officer?’ asked Levon.
‘I am Captain Ferlinghetti, Guardia di Finanza. This.’ He taps the leather bag Levon has strapped to his chest. ‘What is in?’
‘Documents. Valuables.’
He makes a beckoning gesture. ‘Show.’ Levon obeys. Captain Ferlinghetti removes the envelope. ‘What is?’
‘Two thousand dollars. The band’s earnings from the four gigs. Legal earnings, Captain. Our promoter, Enzo Endrizzi—’
‘No, is not legal.’ The captain stuffs the money into his pocket. ‘All. You come. Now. There are questions.’
Levon is too stunned to move. They all are. ‘What?’
‘Make concerti in Italia, profit in Italia, taxation in Italia.’
‘But our paperwork’s in order. Look.’ Levon unfolds a receipt in Italian. ‘This is from our promoter. It’s officially—’
Captain Ferlinghetti declares: ‘No. Not valido.’
Levon changes timbre. ‘Is this a shake-down?’
‘We make arrest here? For me is same.’ The officer addresses the clerk at the Alitalia desk in rapid-fire Italian. Dean catches the word, ‘passaporti’.
Nervously, the clerk holds out their passports – which Dean snatches and puts into his jacket pocket.
Captain Ferlinghetti thrusts his face into Dean’s. ‘GIVE.’
I know a bent copper when I see one. ‘Our flight leaves in half an hour. We’re going to be on it. With our bloody money. So—’
Pain splits Dean from his groin. The departure hall spins. Dean’s cheek smacks the floor. A supernova detonates, inches from his face: a flashbulb. Levon remonstrates. Dean’s vision recovers. The photographer is closing in for a floor-level shot. Dean swivels and launches a horse-kick. His heel crunches plastic and lens against jawbone. A scream. Boots pound Dean. He curls into a foetal position, protecting his hands and balls. ‘Bastard! Bastard!’ yells Captain Ferlinghetti; or, ‘Basta! Basta!’ The kicking stops. Dean’s wrists are yanked behind his back and cuffed. The passports are removed from his jacket. He is hauled onto his feet. Griff is objecting, swearily. Orders are dispensed in Italian. The party is marched off. ‘There’ll be legal consequences,’ Levon was saying, ‘I promise you.
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