Umbrella by Will Self

Umbrella by Will Self

Author:Will Self [Self, Will]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Fiction, General
ISBN: 9781408820148
Publisher: Grove Press
Published: 2011-01-01T05:00:00+00:00


– Yes – yes . . . Bertie? Stanley has spoken too loudly and the skull-head’s china jaw shatters, tea slops from the lip of his cup to the saucer below – a startled fly sways away and banks between the ham and the jam. – Corporal De’Ath – he steeples his skeletal fingers – I’ve no wish to insult you or in any way malign your patriotism, let alone call into question your volunteering – yet permit me to assume, from your presence here alone, that you share a few of our misgivings? There is a crack in the human warmth through which the old house whistles languidly – Stanley thinks it pretty enough, in its way, what with its mossy mortaring and the drowsy blink of the dark windows, and the nigger spiritual chorus of the yew hedge, Oh, we do-on’t want to loo-oose you, But we think you ought to go-o-o . . . Yes, Stanley says eventually, yes, I do share your misgivings – this show with the Turks has got lots of us thinking. The crack is sealed, the corkscrews screwed in, the wire strung, the duckboard put down, the sandbag heaved up – it takes five clear feet of hard-packed earth to stop a machine-gun bullet. The magic lantern clacks, the skull-head snaps . . . – Well, Feydeau, with a few thousand like this young stalwart here, we’ll be in with a chance when the Derby scheme gives way and the Dark Wizard promulgates his Act. Willis, yanking on his beard with both hands, tears a satisfied grin and says, I believe it also, Bertie, which is why the Fellowship would like you to put out a pamphlet of some sort right away. It’s bound to attract considerable attention, and we could use it – if, that is, you’re amenable – as the point of departure for a lecture tour either late this year or early in the new one. Adeline’s strong white hand swaggers past the sugar bowl to fall upon Stanley’s, the grievous twitching of which he only realises as she stills it, not with her pressure but the with the blatancy of this naked clasp. Her fingers stroke the powder-burnt backs of his, her thumb slides over the mound of his . . . — Stanley will never become accustomed to the seemingly casual acceptance of their liaison – not only by the likes of Willis, Bertie and the curse-spot-woman, but also by those in her family home. At Norr, where she had lured him after he had spent only a day with his people, her husband lauded Stanley’s sacrifice, imposed a suit of good American cloth on him and turned upon them an eye not simply blind but indulgent. When Cameron had caught the boy’s nursemaid sucking on safety pins, so indignant was she to see them walking in the garden arm in arm, he threatened her with dismissal – and would have sacked her had Adeline not intervened.



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