Type Talk: The 16 Personality Types That Determine How We Live, Love, and Work by Kroeger Otto & Thuesen Janet M

Author:Kroeger, Otto & Thuesen, Janet M. [Kroeger, Otto]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780307833433
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2013-01-15T23:00:00+00:00

To no one’s surprise, the very thing each type needs, even demands, of their mates is the very thing that mates of the opposite type are least likely to deliver. Introverts want space; Extraverts invade space. Extraverts want verbal feedback; Introverts want to keep their thoughts to themselves. Failure to deliver on any of these expectations sets the stage for each to feel depressed, self-critical, and unloved.

Sensors: True to their name, Sensors are turned on by things that excite their tactile and sensory awareness. Touch is important, as is cleanliness. Smells, tastes, and the visual are very important too. Likewise, turn-offs include noises that interrupt, or touches, smells, tastes, or visuals that are too extreme. Sensors, especially Sensing-Judgers, seem to have less patience with turn-offs, and once turned off, are slower to get excited again.

iNtuitives: They are stimulated partly by the unknown. A little stimulation coupled with a lot of imagination is far more exciting than the reality itself. Another interesting observation, though iNtuitives can certainly be turned off, is that iNtuitive-Perceivers, given any chance at all, can usually transform a turn-off into a turn-on. (“I’ve never been crazy about redheads, but this redhead is attractive and funny; that’s exciting.” Remember that the iNtuitive’s imagination is always richer than reality.)

Thinkers: They are quite clear about their turn-ons and turn-offs. The turn-ons include clearheadedness, objectivity, and the hunger to understand and improve the relationship, while any form of emotionality, schmaltz, or fluffiness turns them off, even, some Ts report, frightens them, if the emotionality reaches a pitch.

Feelers: Turn-ons include any opportunity to please their lovers or occasional epiphanic, deeply felt moments in which love, joy, or pleasure are experienced. Affirmation is also a turn-on to Feelers, even Introverted-Feelers. The absence of any of the conditions necessary for a turn-on is not only a turn-off but, in the long run, is a setup for self-punishment and feelings of failure as a lover. Of the eight preferences, Feelers, more than any others, can be turned off by a partner or an event, but can talk themselves into being turned on if they feel their mates are satisfied.

Judgers: They have the sharpest definitions of turn-ons and turn-offs. The best turn-ons are things that happen according to schedule—a schedule often more implicit than explicit. They report liking certain behaviors or words that set the event in motion and are then followed to the letter, yielding satisfaction for all. Interruption of a scheduled event is not only annoying but can ruin the moment altogether. Having set an agenda, the Judgers want no interruptions and no surprises. And though a Judger does like variations, they should be planned variations.

Perceivers: In dramatic contrast to Judgers, Perceivers note that their biggest turn-ons are the unplanned, the unusual, or perhaps even the risky—and certainly the surprising. The bigger the surprise, say Ps, the greater the turn-on. Turn-offs, predictably, are routines, schedules (overt or covert), or anything else that limits the room for surprise, exception, or variation.

It is too simple to say that the one’s turn-ons are the other’s turn-offs.

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