Touching from a Distance by Deborah Curtis

Author:Deborah Curtis [Curtis, Deborah]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 9780571265152
Publisher: Faber and Faber
Published: 2010-02-12T13:00:00+00:00

Bernard also remembers that Ian liked to consider Nietzsche’s theory that there exists a race which is reincarnated periodically and they were the Egyptians, the Greeks, the Romans and the Nazis. However, I think Ian’s obsession with the Nazi uniform had more to do with his interest in style and history. Since his infant-school days he had loved to draw soldiers from different periods – up until this point, the appeal always lay in the uniform, never warfare itself.

I also had a childhood full of wartime reminiscences. The air-raid shelters, the prefabricated houses, the holes where the iron railings used to be at the front of my grandmother’s house, were there for everyone to see. I was accustomed to talking about the Second World War with my family. There was never any need for sensationalism; there was sensation enough in the facts. For me the past was a little a too close. My great grandfather was Jewish and I preferred to look at the newspaper cutting of my six great uncles who served during the war, buy my poppy and watch the Remembrance Day service every year. In the past, the only war Ian and I had discussed had been the one in Northern Ireland. He did not speak of politics, but of the romance of his ancestors being bayoneted by Black and Tans. I had no wish to reincarnate the horrors in my own mind. Ian had moved on to a higher plane by this time. If I didn’t understand this sudden interest in Nazism, then he wasn’t going to explain it. Band policy seemed to be interfering with our relationship. Ian regarded me with disdain, perhaps trying to ignore the fact that I had seen both sides of his personality. Much worse than his previous ambivalence towards me, I began to see in his attitude the same disdain he had shown for other members of his family.

As the pressure of playing and travelling built up through July and August, Ian’s fits became more frequent and I found it increasingly difficult to communicate with him beyond finding out what kind of sandwiches he wanted. Although his doctor at the hospital changed Ian’s tablets when it seemed necessary, and was apparently constantly expressing his concern about Ian’s lifestyle, I found myself shut out of Ian’s problems. His resentment towards me seemed to be building. Perhaps it was my imagination, but I thought he held me responsible for his condition. I knew nothing of the mental side effects of his therapy and even if I did, I would not have expected such an adverse effect on Ian’s personality. As far as I was aware, his medication was being monitored and any imperfections would eventually be ironed out.

Ian’s Aunty Nell and Uncle Ray came over from Tenerife for a month’s holiday. Knowing how close Ian had been to Nell in his childhood, I decided that if anyone would be able to help me it was her. Ian’s family still seemed unaware that anything was wrong and, frustratingly for me, he behaved perfectly normally at his parents’ house.

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