Top Down Day by Nicole Overby

Author:Nicole Overby [Overby, Nicole]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2020-03-24T18:30:00+00:00

“I need you, Dad. We all do.”

My eyes squeeze tightly shut, and I begin making a deal.

If he just fights through this, if he just makes it out of this, I promise I’ll never ask him to fight again. I’ll never ask You again. But he can’t stop fighting now. I can’t say goodbye to him like this. I need to hear him say goodbye back to me; squeeze my hand and tell me I need to stop stressing myself out. I need him to tell me the secrets to navigate my way to a successful career; tell me what exactly is in his hot salsa or secret popcorn sauce. There is so much I still need to learn from him. I need to hear him sing Folsom Blues one more time and call me about some lyrics he crafted at three in the morning. I need to hear him tell me he loves me one last time. I can’t walk away from my dad like his. I’m not giving up hope, because I know this isn’t how it is supposed to end; it can’t be.

I feel a tap on my shoulder, “Ma’am, we are going to need you to leave soon. We need to do the last steps for sterilization.”

The nurse’s eyes widen when I turn around. I’m sure mascara’s rubbed all over my face. Nodding my head, I lean down, making sure he can hear me.

“Dad, I will see you after surgery. Please, Dad. No one has given up on you, no one.”

I choke on the last words, “I love you.”

My mind is full of regrets as I walk out of the room. You should’ve said sorry. Told him how sorry you are for not coming home over spring break. Punta Cana wasn’t even worth it. I should’ve said I’m sorry for going to school in Erie; I should’ve stayed near home. “I’ll tell him I’m sorry when he wakes up tomorrow,” I reassure myself under my breath. I need him to hear me say it, not these nurses that don’t know my name. Plus, I’m already judging myself for failing as a daughter; I don’t need strangers to judge me, too.

As soon as I walk out of his room, I notice two staff members hanging yellow caution tape at the end of the hallway. What the hell is going on? I squint to read the sign, “Surgery in Process. Hall is Closed.”

My knees buckle and I hit the floor. My emotions spill out once more, and there’s no stopping them now. I rest my head in my between my knees and I begin to hyperventilate with every sob. I don’t even know what to feel anymore; what to do anymore. I’m tired and confused. Right now, I feel completely vulnerable. The footsteps of a stranger walk past me and stop. When my eyes meet his, I can tell he pities me. I wonder if I look as shitty as the girl I had seen a few hours ago.

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