The Void Beyond the Walls: A Literary Serial Killer Fiction Novel set across Texas and Mars by Relvin Gonzalez

Author:Relvin Gonzalez [Gonzalez, Relvin]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Birthmark Publishing
Published: 2024-01-30T00:00:00+00:00

And when journaling became repetitive, and the conclusions the same, I turned to a professional.

“Start from the beginning. How did you sleep last night?” The psychologist said.

“Rough and rowdy.”

“How do you feel?”

“You told me if I find myself in quicksand to not fight it but to dig deeper instead. Well,”—I waited while she repositioned her legs—“I tried to dig, but my hands tore off at the wrists. Every morning last week I tried to walk, but my legs crumbled halfway, and I arrived a legless spectre. It’s in their eyes, the desperation. On their walks they suffer, and I trudge uphill, with all of them on my back, as I try to capture the mystery of the West. But I fall short. I simply exist, floating somewhere up in the dumb filthy air, waiting for the night to arrive. When the sun goes down, I can have another chance. One more attempt to get it right. To get it right would mean to take a step closer to who I know I could be. Maybe that is why I will not dare approach it. Maybe that is why I stay far away from it and sabotage the promise of possibility with fabricated limitations. In the safety of the shadows, I have slowly built myself a shelter. When the shelter becomes a home, it becomes difficult to abandon your belongings. This will take something beyond courage. What was once difficult has replaced what should be easy. It has become comfortable to live in a haze. In this haze, I do not have to deal with certain facts; like the death of my parents, or that suffering surrounds me, or that life starts slow but ramps up quietly like a moving walkway; you can stand still, but it will take you to the finish line, regardless. My brain, half asleep, can fathom only as much as mindless entertainment. It consumes, but it cannot produce. The world needs me to produce small talk, work, relationships, generosity, courage. But I shall will this nest into existence and insulate myself inside it. It will be all right.”

She waited for more, then said, “But that’s not the point of life.”

“What is the point, then?”

“Human beings need to be in the world. God didn’t build us to watch society behind a crystal barrier. You are a part of it, whether you want to or not.”

“Sometimes it is difficult to understand if my exile comes from fear or if it is a gift I should offer humanity.”

“We have been through this. You need to be out there.”

“Sometimes I am not so sure.”

I thought I would convince her in time. Maybe she would know without really knowing and stop me without saying so. But she convinced me instead, and I went out into the world.

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