The Victim by Ruth Harrow

Author:Ruth Harrow [Harrow, Ruth]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2023-05-15T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter Thirty-Four

Then

What happened at the vigil stays with me. The last thing I expected was for my birth mother to show up and approach me.

I can’t shake the uncomfortable feeling off, even after discussing it at great length with Helen several times since. She is fretting about me too much for her own good now. I wish she wouldn’t. I hate the fact my past is causing her extra stress when she doesn’t need it.

I also hate that I can’t tell her everything about my childhood before the care home. I’ve always insisted that I couldn’t remember anything from such an early age. Only Leah knows what is closest to the full truth. Even then, there are bits purposefully left out. I want to tell my friend everything now. But she isn’t here. The realisation makes me long for her more than ever.

The feeling of being that oppressed, malnourished little girl again comes over me at random times. Like when I’m at work, or in a lengthy shower at home afterwards where I can’t seem to get clean. I’m forced to dwell on how back then, Mum had made no attempt to book me into any of the local schools. Nor was I ever taken out anywhere other than very rare trips to the corner shop. I was left in that flat virtually the whole first few years of my life with no chance of escape and no hope for the future.

Carole was never much of a fan of food, or eating. She certainly never cooked, always opting for other activities. It looked from our interaction the other night that she still isn’t a big eater. My whole world was inside that council flat she kept me in for the first four years of my life. And I didn’t like one bit of it.

I’m just walking into the Tesco Express on the way home from work one day when I get a call from Helen.

‘Hi, Claire.’

There is something stiff in her voice and it immediately makes me tense and forget the salmon ready-meal I had been considering.

I think of the vigil we had at the weekend. Has it garnered some results? ‘Hi. Is everything all right?’

‘Well, I don’t know. I’ve just got back from work. There was someone waiting on my doorstep when I got back.’

‘What do you mean? Who?’

‘It was your mother, dear. Carole was waiting when I got back. She’s here now.’

‘Oh my god. I’m so sorry, Helen.’

‘Don’t be. I’ve let her in for now. But she is insisting on seeing you.’

‘Tell her … I don’t know. I’ve no idea what to say to her.’

Helen lowers her voice. It sounds like she might be in the kitchen. ‘I can call Tony. He can come over and help me with her.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Carole doesn’t seem to want to leave. It’s my fault, I suppose. I asked her inside for a cup of tea when I got back. But she has settled herself on the sofa and says she won’t leave until she talks to you.

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