The Tsarina's Daughter (Reading Group Gold) by Carolly Erickson

Author:Carolly Erickson [Erickson, Carolly]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780312547233
Publisher: St. Martin's Press
Published: 2008-09-30T00:00:00+00:00

Twenty-nine

May I escort you and your daughter, Your Imperial Highness?”

Mr. Schmidt spoke with a kindly gravity, and mama, as she had in the past, responded gratefully, her tense body relaxing in his soothing presence.

He took us in his carriage to an imposing house which, he said, belonged to a colleague of his. The house was in a parklike setting, carefully tended and tastefully landscaped, surrounded by a high stone wall.

“My friend, who is a doctor, opens his home to visitors,” Mr. Schmidt explained as we went in the broad, thick front door and were shown into a comfortable salon with deep soft rugs and inviting sofas and chairs. A restful room, I thought.

“Please, have a seat and we can talk, if you like.”

“I always enjoy talking with you,” mama began.

“My patients—I mean my acquaintances—frequently tell me that. The cares of the world press in upon them so heavily, but while we talk, those cares fall away for a time, and they enjoy relief.”

“Yes. That’s it exactly.” Mama’s voice grew lower and her shoulders dropped, the muscles in her face relaxed and she allowed herself to sink back into the cushions on the sofa.

We all sat for awhile in silence. Then mama spoke.

“War,” she said. Just the one word, war.

“Many fear its coming.”

“Death.”

“For many, yes.”

“The end of all our hopes, all our aspirations. No future for my children.”

“You speak a profound and sorrowful truth. But never forget—out of wars have come beneficial changes.”

“I see no benefit in death—except relief, that all is over at last.”

“And do you ever think of bringing on that relief for yourself, through your own efforts?”

“Yes.”

“Mama!” I gripped her arm. “No, mama!”

“It is the truth, Tania. With Mr. Schmidt I speak the truth.”

“What are you doing to her? Stop doing this to her!” I stood up. “If my father were here, he would put a stop to this.”

“I believe, Tania, that your father would want to help your mother. The kind of talk we are having helps her. It unburdens her.”

“Yes, Tania,” mama said softly. “It is good to talk openly, like this, even of painful things.”

“I understand that you take Veronal to calm yourself,” Mr. Schmidt went on. “Three drops at a time. Am I right?”

“I sometimes take six drops now.”

“Are you ever tempted to take more? So many that all your troubles will end for good?”

“Yes.”

“No, mama no!” I held her arm tightly, my tears flowing. I wanted to run, I wanted to pull mama with me, to take her as far away as possible. Yet at the same time I knew that there was nowhere to run from the wrenching, terrible truth she was revealing. So I stayed where I was, and wept.

“And what is the reason you choose not to end your life? Is it because you know what suffering it would cause your daughter, who I can see loves you so much, and your other children?”

“Yes. That and—”

“And what?”

“I do not give up easily.”

“No. I suspect you are a fighter.”

Through my tears I could see that mama was smiling.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.