The Ticking Heart by Andrew Kaufman

Author:Andrew Kaufman [Kaufman, Andrew]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781552453896
Publisher: Coach House Books
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

12

THE SPERO MACHINE

Confusing what you want for what’s meant to be is a very common mistake. It is no stretch to say that Charlie’s tendency to do this greatly contributed to why he was stuck in Metaphoria. This was certainly a major factor in why he couldn’t let go of his marriage. Charlie felt like he didn’t deserve to be the kind of person with a broken marriage, so he believed that getting back together was destined and fated. It didn’t matter whether this was something he wanted or not. It was simply something that already existed, a point in the future that, after the right number of days had passed, he’d reach. What Charlie was calling fate was really just hope. And not the good type of hope: it was the dangerous kind generated by denial and the anticipation of things that are unlikely to happen.

His tendency to confuse want and fate was why Charlie was so sure he’d find Twiggy’s heart inside Unit #117. That Shirley had sewn a bomb into his chest, leaving him with a literal expiry date, seemed so unfair that Charlie had started to believe that finding Twiggy’s heart would be easy. When Unit #117 opened and Twiggy’s heart wasn’t inside, he was devastated. Charlie believed that his faith had failed to be rewarded, when really the problem was that while the idea of fair is something that makes sense to us, the universe is entirely uninterested in the concept. Unable to admit how afraid this made him, Charlie’s fear turned into anger.

‘Where’s Twiggy’s heart?’ Charlie yelled at the lock. His voice was so loud and angry that all the hearts began beating faster. The soothing sound of the beating hearts turned into a torrential downpour on a tin roof. But the heart that beat fastest was inside the purple velvet bag.

‘Where is Twiggy’s heart?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Where is it?’ Charlie grabbed the open door of Unit #117 with both hands. Using all his strength, he pulled downward.

‘Don’t! Stop it! I’m telling you – I don’t know!’

‘I’ll rip it right off!’

‘Please don’t!’

‘You’ll be scrap. Do I not look like a desperate man?’

‘Okay. Okay! It was Twiggy!’

‘When?’

‘Six weeks ago? Not more than seven.’

‘Don’t lie to me!’

‘Stop it! Please! I’m not lying!’

‘What about the White Blood Cells?’

‘They were here too! But it was after. Twiggy had already taken his heart back.’

‘Why? Why did he take it? What was his plan?’

‘He didn’t say! He didn’t say anything! He was alone. He just came and took it. That’s all I know. Honest!’

‘That’s it? He came and took his heart?’

‘And left the book!’

‘What book?’

‘Look inside.’

As Charlie took his hands off the security box, his heart slowed down. The other hearts began beating more slowly as well. Charlie had been so focused on the absence of Twiggy’s heart, he’d been unable to see that there was something else inside the security box. Charlie reached in and pulled out a yellow notebook. He opened it and flipped through the pages. He saw complicated diagrams for intricate parts.

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