The Risk of Us by Rachel Howard

Author:Rachel Howard
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HMH Books

The flight home, the drive from the airport—we move as though ferrying a vial of plutonium. Swaddle you in your blankie. You suck your thumb, which I rarely see you do. And then, when we walk in our door, “There’s no place like home!” you exclaim, your eyes bright like Dorothy’s. You sleep twelve hours.

Then wake up and detonate.

“I DON’T WANT TO EAT! I DON’T WANT TO GET DRESSED! GO AWAY, YOU MEANIE. GO AWAY, YOU’RE RUDE! ”

“Listen, sis,” your uncle is saying the next day as I gaze out the bedroom window at the garden. Thinking, Go figure, the tomatoes are taking off this year. “I’m gonna level with you, because I love you. You’ve just gotta suck it up, you know? Parenting ain’t easy. I mean, there’s been times. Braden grabbed my razor blade from the shower, almost shoved it in his mouth, I’m thinking, shit, I let him get his hands on that, I’m a fucking failure. Oh, and screaming! You think you’re dealing with screaming? I’m living with a fucking two-year-old. I’ll tell you about screaming. And so here’s the thing, sis: You gotta just SUCK IT UP.”

Yes, yes, I say, but the difficult thing is, Sebastian gets weak.

“Now come on, is he really that weak, or is he just—”

He has a heart defect!

“Yeah, and they fixed it. I mean, that shit doesn’t get you off the hook, sis.”

It’s a medical condition!

“So you’re gonna throw a pity party? Hey, I’ll be honest with you. Sometimes Maria comes to me for pity, and I don’t have it. You know? I mean, if Seb can’t commit, you tell him, ‘Well, that’s your choice, dude. There’s the door.’”

Well, I don’t handle my marriage that way.

“Yeah, well, good luck.”

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