The Pirate Planet by Douglas Adams & James Goss

Author:Douglas Adams & James Goss [Adams, Douglas & Goss, James]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: BBC Books
Published: 2017-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

NOTHING LIKE A PLAN

‘This,’ said the Doctor, fully aware that he was showing off, ‘is like taking fish from a baby.’

Crouched by a pillar in the square, he neatly bowled a bag of liquorice allsorts arcing through the air. They scattered across the bonnet of an air-car, causing the Guard inside to leap out. Glaring around at the square, he drew his gun and headed off into the shadows.

The Guard didn’t realise that the Doctor had already slipped into the air-car, dragging Kimus with him and depositing K-9 on the back seat.

Kimus was bouncing in the seat. Clearly, if the revolution was going to involve air-cars, he was all for it. Still, that was partly why the Doctor had brought him along. It was time Kimus learned what real life was like.

The Doctor flicked a few switches and the air-car lifted off. ‘I really must stop doing this, you know,’ he sighed, ‘It’s like shooting candy in a barrel.’

As they soared out into the desert, he waved down at the Guard beneath them.

The Guard waved back.

Then, realising he should do something, he shouldered his gun and fired.

The Doctor staggered from the smoking ruins of the air-car. His hands were already up in the air in surrender. He spat some sand dune from his mouth and grinned sheepishly at the Guard.

‘Oh, I’m terribly sorry.’ He jerked his head towards the wreckage behind him. ‘Is this yours?’

The Guard hit the Doctor over the head.

Mr Fibuli found the Captain in his gallery, looking at his trophies. Their light flashed past the Captain’s face, but he seemed almost asleep. Mr Fibuli wondered if the Captain ever slept. He started to feel awkward. Had he been standing there too long? He scraped up what courage he could.

‘Captain?’

‘Mr Fibuli?’ The Captain jerked awake, his voice soft and thoughtful. ‘Good news or bad?’

‘Well…’

‘Do go on.’

‘I’ve just had a report. The Guards have been making fresh attempts to break into the Doctor’s vessel to seize his Macromat Field Integrator…’

The Captain paused. It was both a dangerous pause and also a quietly amused one. Everything about his body language looked angry, but he seemed to be smiling as well. Mr Fibuli wondered if the last thing he ever saw would be that strangely angry smile.

‘And?’

‘Well, sir, nothing they can do to the craft will even mark it. There’s no way of breaking it open.’

‘Fools! Incompetent cretins!’

Mr Fibuli had learned to always have something up his sleeve. He produced a chart. ‘But we have located a potential source for PJX18. I have determined that we can manage one more jump under our present conditions. If we made it to this planet, we could mine it for PJX18 and then make our own repairs to the engines.’

The Captain waved the chart away and strolled up onto the Bridge, deep in thought.

‘We will mine this planet,’ he announced to the crew. ‘Prepare to jump as soon as the Voolium and Madranite 1-5 crystals have been produced. You know, it’s all coming together marvellously, Mr Fibuli.

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