The Mindful Way through Anxiety by Susan M. Orsillo

Author:Susan M. Orsillo [M. ORSILLO, SUSAN Roemer, Lizabeth]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781609180126
Publisher: Guilford Publications

Assumption 2: Anxiety and Negative Thoughts Prevent Us from Living Fulfilling Lives

Many people try to control their emotions because they think they need to sweep them out of the way before pursuing the relationships, challenges, and activities that contribute to a fulfilling life. Remember Selena, the teacher introduced in Chapter 2 who took a job for which she was overqualified, planning to eliminate her fear of public speaking before she went back to the work she loved? Selena had put her life on hold to embark on a private journey of self-improvement. On the surface, this “tune-up” approach seems reasonable. Drain all the anxiety from the system, crank up the self-confidence, replace all those old worried thoughts with positive thinking, and go for a “practice” test drive before taking a risk on the highway of life.

Unfortunately, mindfully observing and specifically bringing beginner’s mind to evaluate the true effectiveness of this approach, often yields new insight. As Selena discovered, putting one’s life on hold or restricting opportunities during a self-improvement stage naturally elicits some pretty painful emotions, such as boredom and sadness. And although it seems like one could conjure up positive thoughts and self-confidence through self-reflection, these reactions are much more likely to emerge from interaction and engagement. Socializing with a friend, venturing out into a new environment, and taking on a risky challenge are far more likely to elicit joy, happiness, contentment, excitement, pride, and confidence than engaging in internal debate or even a marathon of self-help book reading.

Furthermore, although most of us are inclined to feel first and act later, we are not required to respond that way. You don’t have to feel particularly energized before taking a run around the lake. Paradoxically, you’re more likely to feel revived after exercising. Similarly, the authors of a book don’t need to feel enthused and inspired before each writing session. In fact, the act of writing is what typically elicits those responses. Most important, you do not have to feel confident and worry free before trying something new, taking a risk, or accepting a challenge. Ironically, taking these actions is what’s most likely to boost confidence. You do not need to be fearless to live; you need only be courageous. As Ambrose Redmoon wrote, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”

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