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The Velvet Rage by Alan Downs

The Velvet Rage by Alan Downs

Author:Alan Downs
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Da Capo Lifelong Books
Published: 2012-04-25T04:00:00+00:00


ROBERT FROM NEW ORLEANS, LA

MARRYING OUR FATHERS

Flawed as it may have been, most of us used the closest experience we had as the role model for an honest and loving relationship with a man—our relationship with our fathers. It was our only guide to what a male-to-male relationship might be.

Of course, none of this was conscious. We simply fell in love with a man who seemed comfortable and familiar. On some level, of course, he reminded us of our father. Perhaps he looked and acted different, but underneath it all there were certain key characteristics that recalled feelings of safety and adoration.

In the course of psychotherapy, more than a few gay men have been amazed to realize how close many of their ex-lovers’ personality characteristics were to their father’s. It may have never occurred to you, too, that this is what has occurred in your life. Ask yourself: Was my father emotionally withdrawn? Judgmental? Physically abusive? If so, have your lovers been cut from the same fabric? Coming to terms with this may be a big step for you in breaking the cycle of failed relationships.



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