The Lies That Bind by Emily Giffin

Author:Emily Giffin [Emily Giffin]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2020-06-02T00:00:00+00:00

The following morning, I awaken with Matthew’s arm around me. For several blissful seconds, I am so at peace. At home. But then I open my eyes and roll over and look at him, and all I can think of is that first morning I woke up with Grant in my bed, back when I didn’t even know his name, and every moment was filled with wonder. I’m not sure which I miss more—Grant himself or that feeling—but I tell myself it’s just the feeling. And anyway, it doesn’t matter because they’re both false; the feeling was based on something that wasn’t real in the first place.

I also tell myself that even if it had been real, it’s unfair to compare the beginning of one relationship to the middle of another. (Not that Matthew and I are even in a relationship; we’re just friends who had a few drinks and slept together.) No relationship can sustain that early passion and sense of mystery. Eventually things would have become familiar with Grant, too—and that is a best-case scenario. After all, you reach the mundane, comfortable moments only when a relationship is working. When it’s not working, the passion morphs into something twisted and dark. Drama. Jealousy. A never-ending power struggle.

Most likely that is what Grant and I would have ended up with—and that’s assuming he had chosen me at all. I would’ve found out about Amy eventually, somehow, and he would’ve broken my heart, staying with his wife. Who knows how long it might’ve taken to make that discovery. I think of those men who have dual families for years, some even resulting in half siblings who don’t know each other exists. I shudder. No part of me wants Grant to be dead, of course, but I feel as though I dodged my own bullet. Even if he had left Amy, declaring us soul mates, his character was still deeply flawed. He cheated on his wife, and he lied to both of us. There is no way around that.

In the next second, Matthew’s eyes open and he gives me a sleepy smile.

I smile back at him, relieved that he’s awake, so I can stop thinking so much.

“Well. That was…unexpected,” I say.

“Good unexpected or bad unexpected?” he asks, reaching for my hand under the covers.

“If I have to choose, good unexpected,” I say, smiling, our fingers lacing together.

He frowns a little, and says, “Do you regret it?”

“No, I don’t regret it,” I say, relieved that this is the truth. “But—”

He groans. “Hey! No buts!”

I smile. “Okay. It’s not really a but….It’s just a concern….I just want to make sure we’re not falling back into something simply because it’s comfortable and easy.”

“News flash,” Matthew says, letting go of my hand so he can ruffle my hair. “You ain’t easy.”

“You know what I mean,” I say. “I just want us to take things slowly….Maybe don’t do this again until we’re both sure. Really sure.”

“This?” he says, now touching my breast.

“Yes,” I say, gently pushing his hand away, even as I have the sudden urge to be with him again.

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