The Fallacy: The Philistine Heart (Book 7) by Evergreen Jean & Evergreen Jean

Author:Evergreen, Jean & Evergreen, Jean
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2020-01-03T16:00:00+00:00

28

The god of this world

“I wasn’t ever what you would call a good Buddhist. In truth, I viewed Buddhism as more of a philosophy than a religion. It was my way of attaching reason to morality, in the hope of discovering a greater truth. Only, I never discovered much in the way of truth. Just a re-affirmation of, previously supposed, depressing thoughts.

“Even is how we are asked to be, still like the earth—like dirt. No passion or beauty. It was a place, lonely and stark, where any semblance of warmth was stripped away. It silenced my will, and I was cold inside—without love, without hope.

“Buddhism ascribes to the individual a source of light and inspiration. But, in my case, I knew it wasn’t true. I felt it when my heart closed to the idea. What my mind willed, my spirit would not allow. They were at odds, constantly. And there was no peace to be found.

“I kept thinking that if I’m the gateway to my salvation, then I’ll never be saved. I’ll never reach enlightenment. And even if I could, would I want to? I’ve never desired to be my own god. In myself, I lack purpose. Would I have more as a body of vapor—a gaseous entity that feels nothing … sees nothing. Where’s the purpose, there?

“So, in that way, to either end, I’m doomed. On the one hand, my existence is reduced to a hazy mist. On the other, I’m forced into an endless cycle of rebirth and death—suffering through the pain and heartache of this world until the end of time.

“I suppose that’s what the Buddhists call karmic debt. I have another word for it: hell. And I can’t help but wonder if the day will come where I won't have to pay this debt anymore—where peace can be maintained without suffering. I wish I could say I had hope for that day. But I’ve long learned the futility of hope.

“It’s just how things are. It’s life. For every joy, there is sorrow. For every up there is a down. In every scenario, there’s a counterbalance that must be maintained. And there’s always a price to pay to maintain it—an eternal debt that seems impossible to satisfy.”

Joshua cast her a kind smile, unfazed by the bleakness of her words.

“By that standard, I’d say you’re correct,” he said.

“What other standard is there?” Bridget asked, peering at him wondrously.

“There’s Christianity. I know that might seem too obvious an answer, but I am a pastor, so you’ll have to excuse my lack of creativity.”

Joshua let out a light chuckle, and Bridget laughed along with him.

“No, I’m the one with a lack of imagination. I guess I’ve never considered Christianity as an option.”

“Why do you suppose that is?”

“I’m not sure,” Bridget frowned. “I’ve always looked upon Christianity, and all religion, really, as foolish—a crutch for the weak-minded, who require chastisement and guilt as an incentive to be good. Besides, the Bible was written by men and is subject to all the errancy of their thinking.

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