The Diary of Ellen Rimbauer: My Life at Rose Red by Ellen Rimbauer

Author:Ellen Rimbauer [Rimbauer, Ellen]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: General, Fiction
ISBN: 9780340825983
Publisher: Hodder General Publishing Division
Published: 2002-12-05T00:00:00+00:00

123

27 september 1909—madame lu’s

I can see now that John’s fascination with his heir is fading. He

?nds the smells, the crying, the spit-up, even the breast-feeding a

bit too much to take. (This, despite the two nannies—one, a wet

nurse who feeds Adam at night.) I suspect that when Adam is

eight or nine—an age for hunting and ?shing and the like—my

husband’s affections may rekindle, but for the time being he is

absent, showing no interest in the boy whatsoever. His dawdling

attentions lavished on me during my pregnancy are a thing of the

past as well. I have carried his child. His ?rstborn was a boy. My

purpose is served, I fear. Were I to have known that this was the

life destined for me, I might have expressed reservations in consummating

this marriage. Now, however, it is far too late for such

decisions. I can only make the best—or the worst—of the situation.

I labor for the higher ground, fearing the results if John

and I entrench ourselves for a protracted battle.

I will ask my husband back to my bed as soon as I feel my body

recovers fully from childbirth. I see now that my joy and happiness

in life is to come from the children. (Adam gives me more

joy in my heart than I have ever felt. He is nothing short of a

miracle. I have reason to live. Reason to love!) If I am here to

make babies, make babies I shall, even though I alternate between

loving my husband and despising him. Adam Rimbauer holds a

place special and dear in my heart that no other person shall ever

come close to occupying. I can’t imagine this feeling multiplied

by four or ?ve! I can’t wait! I long for the sound of many small

feet scurrying about this house! Damn John Rimbauer. I shall

make a life for myself in spite of his womanizing ways.

My arrival at Madame Lu’s felt considerably different today than

it did when I viewed this part of town for the ?rst time. I will not

go as far as to say I’m comfortable with Chinatown, but I am at

124

least familiar with this area of it, thus reducing my anxiety.

Madame Lu, for her part, was most welcoming and accommodating.

Again, I was in the company of Tina Coleman, and again

Tina was responsible for much of the social talk to introduce us

(the Chinese insist on this social exchange before any business is

discussed). Finally Madame Lu glanced in my direction and spoke

to me.

“You wish ’nother visit, child?”

“Yes, Great Lady.” (I follow Tina’s lead wherever possible.)

She looked me over. “Something much troubling you.”

“Our home,” I answered. “Our house.”

She nodded. That enormous head falling forward like a stone.

She wore a good deal of her hair in a bun at the back of her head,

and yet the tail that spilled out of this nest was easily two feet long.

All told, her hair must run ?ve feet or longer—as tall, or taller,

than she is herself. “I in contact with people, child, not houses.”

“Two women have disappeared in our house. One, a chambermaid.

A young girl. She’s there still, but no longer ?esh and

blood. I saw her with my own eyes.

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