The Dead Fathers Club by Matt Haig

Author:Matt Haig
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3, mobi, pdf
Publisher: Penguin Group US
Published: 2010-02-28T16:00:00+00:00

I was going to dump Leah at break but she was off sick and Dane said she had a cough and I didnt think he knew Id been round last night and heard him row with his dad.

Dominic and Jordan walked past me and laughed and then they saw I was with Dane so they didnt pick on me. But I had to see them again in Science lesson with Mr Wormwood and they sat on the back row and Dominic said Oi Skitso. Spoke to your dad lately?

They started telling everyone about seeing me in the graveyard but they stopped when Mr Wormwood came in.

Everyone is scared of Mr Wormwood even Dane probably because Mr Wormwood is two metres tall and very skinny. He speaks very quiet but will suddenly SHOUT REALLY LOUD and make you jump. He has put black tape on the glass in his Science Lab door and the tape is in bars like a prison and he has a sign on the door that says DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. He thinks it is funny but its not because children are animals and so are grown ups so he is not a zookeeper he is just an older animal. Children dont change into different animals when they grow up. It is not like they are caterpillars going into butterflies. They just get taller and wider and less funny and do jobs and tell more lies like Uncle Alan.

Science is my worst subject because I dont believe in it because Science doesnt believe in ghosts and I know ghosts are real. Science says that people know more and more about everything which is a lie and that everything can be explained and that is another lie. There was a man called Sir Isaac Newton who invented Science who said that apples fall down off trees because of Gravity and everyone thinks that is really clever. But everyone knew apples fell off trees before its just they didnt know it was because of Gravity. So it doesnt matter if its because of Gravity or if its because of God or if its a big magnet under the ground because apples still fall off trees. You can still eat them whatever and they still taste the same which is gross especially when theyve got bruises on them that are brown and mushy powder in your mouth from falling on the ground.

In Mr Wormwoods class we dont do things with apples. We just do things with Bunsen Burners and Test Tubes and Goggles and burn liquids till they change colour.

But I was pleased Mr Wormwood came in because then everyone stopped laughing at me.

Mr Wormwood tapped his ruler and said Settle down. Settle down.

Everyone was squeaking their stools on the floor and Mr Wormwood said in his calm voice Today God help me we are going to be testing the properties of different metals.

He looked round the room at all his animals and he squinted like we hurt his eyes.

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